Neil McNicholas: Guests who can’t behave in the house of God

Sadly people seem to have no idea anymore and the way far too many behave in church is appalling to those of us who (mistakenly it would seem) expect better.

The basic point of reference is that a church is the house of God, a sacred place, a place of reverence and prayer.

People come into church and clearly have no notion whatsoever that it is a sacred place, a different place and culture, which demands different behaviour and conduct. And if many or most are no longer believers, then at least out of respect they should find out ahead of time what is appropriate and why.

There is a legal principle that states “ignorance of the law is no excuse”; the same should be true of church.

The worst situation is probably at weddings where you will typically have a church full of people who normally never darken the door of a church.

They are there simply for the social aspect of the occasion and for all they care the wedding could be anywhere – and they behave as if it is. The noise levels and the chaos can be truly distressing. Children are, of course, always welcomed. Left to run riot, however, they are a distraction to any already overwrought bride and groom, not to mention the priest or minister.

Then, too, people come already dressed for the reception they are going to as soon as the ceremony is over, and some of the dress styles can be totally inappropriate for church. No one seems to have any sense of modesty anymore – and this can even extend to the bride and bridesmaids.

There was one occasion when the bride – a rather well endowed individual and wearing a neckline that had nowhere left to plunge – bent over to try to pacify her rather troublesome toddler (well it saves on flower girls, doesn’t it, if you already have your own!) and, in the words of the song, “June was bursting out all over”. The registrar had to step in and help pour her back into her dress.

And how many of the guests do you think will be chewing gum in church – or worse? I remember a colleague telling me, after a baptism, how he found several empty beer cans in one of the pews – they couldn’t even wait to “wet the baby’s head” until they were out of church!

And baptisms are the next worst situation, again because people get invited who never go to church and who, again, often have no idea how to conduct themselves in church. To begin with, they are at a sacramental celebration welcoming the baby into the Christian community and they themselves never darken the door of the church.

But there they are – chatting and chewing and taking photos throughout and letting their children run riot while the minister is trying to keep the whole thing together.

Funerals are probably the least problematic because, even though there may be large numbers of un-churched people present, they at least manage to conduct themselves a little more appropriately simply because of the nature of the occasion.

Usually there will still be a degree of noise and disturbance before the funeral begins because, again, people don’t know how to behave in church. The organist may try to play something softly in the background to drown out the disturbance, but, not to be outdone, they simply talk above it. Dress style is usually less of a problem – again because people tend to know what is appropriate at funerals – but that still doesn’t stop the occasional “little black number”, more appropriate for a nightclub, from being worn.

Outside of church, lack of respect for the dead is more than evident. Once upon a time, people would stop whatever they were doing as a funeral cortege passed and men would remove their hats. Catholics would make the Sign of the Cross as they prayed for the deceased. You will only very rarely see any such signs of respect these days; mostly funerals pass by with no regard whatsoever. People need to reflect on the fact that, all too soon, that will be them.

Why should a priest have to go into church before a wedding or baptism or even, on occasion, a funeral, in order to ask people to stop talking, to turn off their mobile phones, and to get rid of whatever it is they are chewing?

Church is a different place, a different culture, indeed a “foreign” place and culture to a great many people these days. They just don’t seem to know any more where they are and what it requires of them, nor do they seem to know the meaning of the words reverence, respect and sacred which, in church, should be our constant watchwords.

Neil McNicholas is a priest for St Hilda’s Parish, Whitby.