Sarah Todd: Lovely weather for ducks – and nice work for the bureaucrats

WE DON'T have much land, yet still barely a month goes by without a pile of literature arriving from the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (Defra).

To be honest, there's not a single page that's been read through properly. The one thing we would have been interested in a leaflet about – new legislation about horse passports – never arrived.

What a waste of money. But no surprise from a Government that spent nearly 300,000 of taxpayers' money on research which proved ducks like the rain. This story, which was revealed last year, has only just crossed into my radar. Defra funded the work to "ascertain the importance of bathing water to ducks". They found that having offered a number of different water supplies to ducks the birds favoured standing under a shower. So the supply that most imitated natural rainfall. The National Farmers' Union was quick to brand the three-year project quackers, saying that if the boffins had asked any farmer they'd have told them that ducks like rain best.

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Some farming friends have been trying to find out more about "NVS" (Nitrate Vulnerable Zones). Defra has produced nine guidance leaflets to help farmers understand new rules about the spreading of nitrates. We've yet to speak to one person who's any wiser after reading them.

What would be so difficult about sending a knowledgeable human being (not a suit) out to farms every couple of years to take a soil sample and cast an eye over fertiliser invoices? However much the industry is portrayed as evil, there isn't anybody in agriculture of my acquaintance who would spend good money on nitrates knowing they were likely to be washed into a watercourse. Many have been interested in conservation for generations. Not just since Countryfile was on telly.

For hundreds of years country people have said that animals need a bit of "Doctor Green" – fresh, spring grass – to give them a boost after a long, hard winter. It was interesting to watch the hens emerge from the coop the first morning after the snow had gone. Ignoring the corn, they went straight to the green shoots of grass.

Of course, winter's not over yet. When it is though, there'll be plenty of people out walking. We're all so much more aware of cows with calves being potentially more dangerous than bulls. But a caller the other day reminded me that there are other things to be mindful of. She has no option but to turn newborn foals out in a field that is crossed by a footpath and has watched amazed as dogs have been let loose among them. Now, that sounds like information that should be in a leaflet.

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