GP Taylor: When abuse victims speak out, it is society's duty to listen

We are the same age and from very different backgrounds. Mark went to Winchester and Cambridge. I went 
to a secondary modern and got thrown out of sixth form. Yet, we are the best 
of friends and he is like my long lost brother.

That night, over a drink, Mark shared with me his harrowing story of life at a public school. I don’t need to go into detail here as he wrote about it so movingly in The Yorkshire Post last Saturday. His story is one of beatings and abuse handed out by people we are supposed to trust.

When he told me what he had been through, I felt very humble that he could be so open and honest. He was very brave in opening himself up to the world and confessing to what had happened to him. There was no more tethers of guilt and shame that had kept it secret for so many years.

I too had lived with a secret that I had kept to myself for many years. I know how liberating it is to be open and honest and finally be free from all the guilt.

When I was a teenager, I had a gay relationship. At that time, it was a crime for anyone under 21 to do so. I tried to keep it secret.

Growing up on a council estate was not the place to come out. My father accused me one day and we had a fight in the small front room of our house. I won. I think the shame of his ‘queer’ son beating him silenced him on the subject from then on. He was happy when I got married to a woman and joined the 
police force.

However, I always tried to keep it a secret from people and only in recent years have had the courage to be honest about my sexuality as a young adult.

Secrecy, fear and guilt are prisons that can keep people locked away from the world and from truth for many years.

As a priest, when taking confession, I heard so many stories of hurt and abuse from people who told me they were too ashamed to tell anyone. They came back to me time and again, knowing I was bound to silence. They shared their troubles in eternal confidence.

A trouble shared truly is a trouble halved.

Even in our enlightened times, it takes a great deal of courage for people who have suffered like Mark Stibbe to be honest. I admire the bravery of those 
who are prepared to stand up and say 
that they have been the subject of cruelty and abuse.

Sadly, we are a society that doesn’t listen as well as it should. It starts at the top with those in Government wanting to keep the dirty little secrets of the establishment locked well away behind closed doors. We are all too well aware of the Jimmy Savile fiasco. A man with powerful friends to protect him from the people he abused.

I am not someone who is easily frightened, but when I met Savile at the opening of a local museum by his friend Prince Charles he left me shivering.

Out of the blue, Savile approached me and said words to the effect – ‘Vicar, if there was a telephone line beyond the grave, I would have a lot of explaining to do’. He then smiled, shook my hand and followed the Prince.

So many people tried to expose him and failed. Only with the protection of death and after he had taken many secrets to the grave did the truth come out. People were finally being listened to.

Secrecy is the weapon of the abuser and shame is their armour. Victims are frightened into silence for fear of public ridicule. Thankfully, I am so glad that times are slowing changing.

Many people now feel confident enough to be honest about what has happened to them. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Freedom comes through honesty and openness.

There is a move in society to respect those who are brave enough to speak out. Their courage should be honoured.

There are still lessons to be learnt. Victims need to have a voice. The handling of the systematic abuse of young girls in Rotherham should be a warning to us all.

Fearing political correctness and the power of religious groups the investigators ignored the voices and the rights of the victims. Those who spoke out were disbelieved and the brave whispers of children ignored.

GP Taylor is a writer and broadcaster and can be followed @GPTaylorauthor.