'If I worked for Trump I'd have shot myself by now' says Margaret Thatcher's former press secretary

We daren’t take our eyes off him for a minute lest, media apart, he declare war or, in the case of Russia, peace, which might be just as bad for Europe.

He has only to leave his wife behind in Trump Towers or, on official duty, apparently forget she exists and the world is speculating about his marriage, even though he vouchsafes that she is “a fantastic person”, as, indeed, she must be to keep up with him.

We have seen nothing like it since Frank Spencer was a lad in Some Mothers Do ’Ave ’Em. What is more, the blond bombshell seems to be enjoying making the news and shaking up the world. Somehow he has concluded he is doing marvellously, even finding “good ratings” from somewhere.

We have had a newsfest – real and fake – in the month since his inauguration and the only sensible conclusion is that it is going to continue. President Trump is a star of stage, screen and radio and a cartoonist’s dream. And he knows it. He just “loves” jousting with the media and especially CNN which, he claims, “hates” him.

I take a professional interest in all this having been Press Secretary over 24 years to six Cabinet Ministers and a Prime Minister – Barbara Castle, Robert Carr, Maurice Macmillan, Lord Carrington, Eric Varley and Tony Benn before Margaret Thatcher in No 10.

Thatcher was by no means the most difficult. Barbara Castle was shrill, sometimes counter-productively passionate, but with the heart and guts of a lioness. Robert Carr was as sure-footed as a mountain goat with the media. Maurice Macmillan, like another decent chap, Eric Varley, was not really equipped for the histrionics of politics. It was a pleasure to serve them.

Lord Carrington was an amiable general, leaving his staff to implement the strategy.

Wedgie Benn is the only one to have (briefly) sacked me – for telling him the truth about his daft plan, crushed simultaneously by No 10 and the BBC, to give a ministerial broadcast on North Sea oil without Opposition right of reply.

After all this, I got great satisfaction in persuading Margaret Thatcher that she had better things to do than fall out with the media.

That little lot were house-trained compared with the ebullient Trump, who can only be described as constitutionally incontinent since he picks quarrels with anyone from judges to his security advisers. C’est magnifique, mais ce n’est pas le politique.

After only four weeks of his presidency, I have reached the solemn conclusion that I would have shot myself by now if I was employed as his Press Secretary.

The big question is how I might have kept my finger off the trigger. How do you cope with an anarchist at large in government?

It may be what the American masses voted for – a veritable bomb under Washington – but there are consequences. Whether Trump likes it or not, he will have to work through the system if he wishes to make a success of his presidency. Like all good democracies, the USA is a land of checks and balances.

So, if I could beard him in his Oval Office den for 15 minutes, I would offer him this advice.

“You have had your fun and you are certainly different. But the time has come to get seriously to work. Your job is not to sell newspapers or TV programmes nor pick quarrels with all and sundry. You can’t have a free society without a free Press, as Maggie said. Nor is your job to cultivate global notoriety. The UK petition against you, debated in Parliament, shows there are enough misguided fools in this world without encouraging them.

“Your job is to govern refreshingly but wisely and, instead of frightening the world, pursue consistently considered policies towards Russia, China, international trade and terrorism that offer hope through US strength. There is, of course, no strength in America’s current indebtedness.

“In short, Mr President, you can’t go on like this. Otherwise, you will end up an exhausted and failed wreck. Surprise everybody by your resolution to do things differently in a methodical, consistent and restrained way. It may be against your nature but the presidency demands you calm down a bit and rise to the task.

“So, am I still your Press Secretary or do I see you, symbolically of course, handing me your gold-plated revolver?”