PM brings Straw man of Witney into line

But MPs were rolling in the aisles when the issue was raised at Prime Minister’s Questions yesterday.

Fear not though, rail travellers of Yorkshire – they weren’t laughing at you. Not this time anyway. They were laughing at Jack Straw.

Surprisingly, this is an unusual occurrence. Normally the chamber hushes to silence when the Labour veteran gets to his feet. This, after all, is the Home Secretary who said we didn’t need an inquiry into Hillsborough; the Foreign Secretary who took us into Iraq. A man of such intellect deserves respect.

Anyway, yesterday Mr Straw was furious – as are we all – to learn of a deal to take more than 10 per cent of the trains off our trans-Pennine routes and hand them over to Chiltern Railways in the lovely, leafy South East.

The Department for Transport says it is “working” to ensure services will not be affected. And with the finest minds at the DfT on the case, you might think MPs would be reassured. Yet mysteriously, it seems they are not.

“Does the Prime Minister share my astonishment that First TransPennine is to lose trains, transferred to Chiltern Railways for the greater comfort and convenience of commuters in the South?” Mr Straw fumed, spitting out the final words in distaste.

He had more to say, actually, but sadly most of it was drowned out by the hysterics on the benches opposite.

The Tories – a cynical bunch – had the temerity to point out that Mr Straw may not actually be too badly affected.

For despite being the MP for Blackburn, he chooses to live a mere 175 miles down the road, in leafy Oxfordshire.

From there – a bit awkward, this – he takes a commuter train into London each day.

Naturally, the area’s local MP, one David Cameron esq, knows all this well.

“We have announced plans to electrify the trans-Pennine railway line, which will make a big difference,” the PM said.

“I hope (Mr Straw) will not find it too cheeky if I point out that the line that both he and I use, the Cotswold line, has also received a lot of extra investment. He now enjoys a double-track line when he makes his journey from my constituency into London.”

Mr Straw smiled grimly as his opponents roared - consoling himself perhaps that he is stepping down next year, and will finally be able to enjoy his cosy Cotswold life in peace and quiet.