The Prince’s speech... why Harry will be watching his words on the big day

He may not get to write it all himself, but Prince Harry will surely make a characteristic mark on the best man’s speech. Sheena Hastings reports.

WHEN Prince Harry hands over the rings and later makes his speech, he’ll be following in the footsteps of millions of men down the centuries – although most have not had to raise a toast in front of a cast of hundreds that includes many crowned heads of state and archbishops. Unlike Harry, best men doing their duty up and down the country this weekend will not have had diplomats and Cabinet office apparatchiks checking every syllable, just in case a misplaced adjective or off-colour joke gets through the net and starts an international incident.

It’s debatable how much of the speech he will write himself, but even if some of it has been edited and polished by others, there’s always the mildly exciting element of Russian roulette with anything concerning Harry. The 26-year-old may have other talents, but keeping his foot out of his mouth isn’t necessarily one of them. So, as tradition dictates, the longest 10 minutes of Kate and William’s day will be those when Harry is on his feet and they try to second-guess at which point the gaffe will be spoken, as he blithely decides to liven things up with a few bons mots of improvisation.

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Many of the jobs usually allocated to a best man will probably not fall to Harry, seeing as his family is surrounded by people who know how to run a formal event involving the Household Cavalry, a glass carriage and dozens of trumpets. However, he will still have to stand by his man, and help William to steady his nerves without resorting to pre-Abbey brandy.

Luckily, unlike his Goth counterparts so many centuries ago, his duties so far will not have included helping the groom to kidnap the bride from her village; nor will he be standing to Will’s right in Westminster Abbey in order to have his sword arm free, ready to unsheath his weapon and ward off any relatives of the bride’s who might storm the building to reclaim her.

More usually, a best man can have a long litany of tasks on his plate from the moment the engagement is announced – chief among them the organisation of a suitable stag do, composing a speech, responsibility for the bridegroom’s punctuality on the day, and the stewardship of the rings. The greatest of these is the speech. Get it badly wrong and a chasm of embarrassment may swallow you up, many guests may shun you for the rest of the day (or life), and you will be edited down to a 15-second bit-part on the dvd. Get it right, and you are the silver-tongued hero of the day, fawned upon and danced with by all and hugely in credit with the bride and groom for decades to come. One recent bridegroom chose to have two best men, because he couldn’t decide between equally close friends. They gave the speech as a two-hander, luckily they were both good in wit and delivery, and everyone was charmed by the novelty act.

Another recent co-best man shared duties with a chap who was a fantastic comedy act and who, unfortunately, got to say his piece first. Best man number two could not compete and took the earnest, sincere, emotional route of reminiscing about school days alongside the bridegroom. Sadly, his audience were still chuckling at the man who came before him.

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A Yorkshireman whose gregarious character, confident delivery, wit and repartee as a best man have meant he has done the job five times in the last 25 years was willing to share his successful modus operandi with more timorous types preparing to stand and deliver.

“Your main challenge is in making it appeal to everyone in the room. It’s such a mixed audience – of all ages, tastes and tolerance. But you have to realise also that they are on your side, wanting you to do well, sitting there thinking ‘poor so-and-so, how’s he going to get through this?’ I would recommend having something written – not the whole speech, so much as a prop you can lean on and incorporate into the speech. It can be a work of fiction, but is very handy.

“I focus on a particular foible of the bridegroom’s personality and create a document that underlines, or rather really exaggerates this character trait. So, for example, with one terribly proper, law-abiding friend, who had even asked the permission of Her Majesty’s Ordnance Survey if he could reproduce part of a map to get the guests from church to reception, I created a very geeky saga of correspondence between him and the OS people.

“Having a prop like that takes some of the pressure off, and once you’ve left a pause for the first laugh, you feel very confident that you’ll get more as you go on and really start to enjoy yourself. You’re pulling the groom apart, but only in a mocking and affectionate way.

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“I started all the speeches a week or two before the day, but some of them were still being refined on the morning of the wedding. Ten minutes is the longest I would recommend. You’ve got to remember that the best man’s speech comes third, and you don’t want people to have to sit through too much.

“I’d always avoid anything lewd, and personal stories from much earlier in the bridegroom’s life. Although funny to those who were there at the time, they rarely bear retelling, and they exclude most people in the room. In an ideal world, people you have never met come up to you afterwards say they enjoyed it. That’s worth more than the bride and groom saying it, to be honest.”

Many soon-to-be best men seek advice, and the internet is awash with top tips and identikit speech products, where you literally insert the names of the wedding party in gaps in a ready-baked script. Several people I know have been to a few weddings where nervous best men had invested in more or less the same tools, down to the ingloriously inappropriate closing gag.

They’d do better to use their own material but learn how to deliver it better from master craftsmen like Toastmasters International, who have several branches in Yorkshire.

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People join us for all sorts of reasons – from professional need to worries about certain occasions like weddings,” says Phil Heath, governor of TI in the North of England.

“People work on their speech and deliver it to others at our meetings, then receive verbal and written evaluations. It’s great to see how quickly people improve and gain confidence.

“I would recommend that a best man first of all interviews both bride and groom, and one of the things to find out is what the groom doesn’t want mentioned. You should also research the audience, and make sure you don’t fall foul of ‘in-jokes’ that only include a small number of the group. When structuring the speech think in threes – beginning, middle, end, perhaps making three points in each part, summarising with a good joke, then the toast in which you respond on behalf of the bridesmaids. Do make eye contact with three or four people midway back in the audience. Don’t have verbatim notes, but cards with headings are fine. Don’t drink before the speech. Don’t force humour either; if people know you are quite an uptight person, they won’t be expecting lots of jokes. And don’t rattle loose change in your pocket.”

So serious is Phil about his craft that he avoids dairy foods in the day or two before a speech, so that his larynx is not clogged up. He also does warm up exercises for throat and jaws, and jogs on the spot to trigger adrenalin before “going on”.

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Does he think Prince Harry will deliver an immaculate speech? “Well, he could start a war... but let’s hope not.”

The best man’s other duties

Mastermind the stag party

Organise the ushers and brief them about their role

Liaise with the clergyman or register office on the timetable

Talk to the caterers about the timing of food service and clearing of dishes, so as to understand the timing of speeches etc

Carry an emergency kit on the day, including painkillers, mints, toothpicks, sticking plasters and emergency cash

Help the bridegroom to look and feel his best

Manage not to lose the ring(s)

Understand family politics and deal with unforeseen events.

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