These comic Yorkshire incidents are just two of the funniest calls received by animal charity the RSPCA last year.
A homeowner in Ossett, near Wakefield, contacted officers in December to report a distressed bird which they believed was trapped in their attic.
“I went into the lady’s home and we could hear a regular ‘peeping’ noise. She said she thought it was coming from her roof so we looked and looked. After searching around and unable to find the mystery bird I then went into her front room and found a smoke alarm beeping after the battery had gone flat!" said officer Alan Farr.
Animal welfare officer Liz Braidley was preparing to hunt down a pet tortoise which a woman has spotted in her Sheffield garden in October.
“I went into the lady’s garden to try to capture the tortoise and it soon became clear that he wouldn’t be giving me the run-around - as he was made of stone!” she said.
And a caller in Leeds made an embarrassing error when trying to report an injured cat.
Inspector Sarah Mason was concerned enough to decide to visit the stray cat, which apparently had an open wound under its tail. But her blushes were saved when the caller rang back to report that the 'cut' was in fact the feline's bottom.
In south Humberside, a member of the public reported that an owl sitting on a roof hadn't moved for several days, and appeared to be paralysed from the head down. An inspector who attended the scene discovered that the raptor was actually made of plastic.
Other comic call-outs included a squirrel trapped in a bird feeder in Manchester, a bird tangled in a TV aerial in north London which turned out to be a kite to deter birds, an escaped snake in a Surrey loft which was actually a child's toy, and the noise of an animal trapped under floorboards in south London which turned out to be a rose bush scraping on a window.
Calls to the RSPCA's 24-hour cruelty hotline increased by three per cent last year.