Rugby star Paul Whatuira tells how he tackled the darker side of life

In a squad of professional rugby league players it comes with the

territory that there are some fierce and aggressive types.

It is not a pre-requisite for playing the sport but it certainly aids their performance.

Off the field, some may be more likely than others to lose their cool in an outburst of violence, but Paul Whatuira is one of the most mild-mannered and placid sorts imaginable.

That is why it was all the more surprising when the Hudders-field Giants player was locked up in a secure mental health unit in Bradford after ferociously attacking two strangers in an unprovoked assault last October.

Now as he returns to action he admits the mental illness which drove him to such a random and extreme act almost cost him his life as he contemplated suicide.

The New Zealand international seemingly had it all – a successful career which had seen him play at Wembley just a few weeks earlier along with a loving and beautiful fiance who was also expecting their first child. But the news he was to become a father triggered memories of his own childhood when he had been abused, a truth he had never told anyone and one which came back to haunt him with shocking results.

However, the 28-year-old wants to speak out about his ordeal to ensure others do not follow the same treacherous path.

"Depression is an illness and I want to put myself out there so hopefully people who need help will go and get it," explained the player, who has scored 19 tries in 49 games for the West Yorkshire Super League club.

"A lot of things got to me which happened in the past. I didn't handle it right. I thought I could be a big macho man and deal with it myself. After all, I am a rugby player.

"I felt I didn't need to speak to my family or anyone because I'm an elite athlete and I could handle it but I couldn't.

"When things come back to haunt you, you can deal with it but you have to talk to people and show your feelings.

"What happened when I was a kid had been left to build up and build up. It built up so much and I couldn't block it out. I ended up hitting those two guys. It was totally out of character but I had no control."

He had earlier admitted himself to St Luke's Hospital after falling into a deep depression and suffering severe insomnia.

"It was a dark spell for myself," he explained. "I was very sick. I wasn't healthy. I wasn't there.

"It was a low point in my life and unfortunately, I let out my anger in the wrong way. I didn't know what I was doing. I'd been on holiday with Vanessa but couldn't sleep for six nights straight. I started hallucinating and checked myself into hospital when I got back. I knew I wasn't right."

However, after leaving the hospital, he lost track of his actions. He was found running wildly through the streets of Huddersfield early in the morning when he launched the attack near engineering firm TWL in Folly Hall, leaving one man with a broken nose.

"Words can't describe it," he said, as he tried explaining the delirious state in which he discovered himself.

"It was a very scary thing to go through and I wouldn't want anyone to experience it.

"Hallucinating and seeing things in your mind that aren't there; I'm definitely not going back to that spell again and want to make sure others don't either.

"What happened, happened. I'm very remorseful for what I did. I can't look back on it now.

"I've got to move on with my life and get on with it. Things are

looking positive."

He has now recovered from the depression and is looking forward to a return to the field while Vanessa gave birth to baby Gabrielle last month.

"She's great and it's brilliant being a father," he added.

"There's been a lot of nappy changing and I feel more for my partner as she's the one doing most of the getting up and motherly things but it has been fantastic. It's changed my life dramatically. I'm a father now and have plenty to look forward to." The star – who will not be charged over the assaults – is keeping a diary detailing his daily thoughts and has received immense help from people inside and outside of the game.

"Luckily, I have had a lot of support," said the player, who signed for the Giants from Australian outfit Wests Tigers in 2007. People have come to me and said they've been through similar things. The club has been excellent looking after me and my friends, family and team-mates have all been good.

"It happened and it was crazy. It was a very scary experience when I just couldn't function.

"But I'm fighting fit and healthy now and back to my normal self. It's taken me a while – two or three months – to get back into my normal routines, thinking and being more positive again but I've got a tremendous partner who has been so strong and supportive through all of this.

"She went through everything as well, not just me."

The player – part of the New Zealand side that won the Tri-Nations final against Australia at Elland Road in 2005 – is even considering becoming a mental health counsellor following his recent experience.

"More people in this world have had worse traumas happen to them and they get on with life," he said. "I really want to help other people.

"Depression is an illness but it is curable. People can seek help and people can get help."

Sleep problems are symptom

Millions of people like Paul Whatuira seek help for mental health problems.

n One-in-four people will suffer a mental health problem during their lifetime.

n One-in-six will have depression during their lifetime – and about 10 per cent of the British adult population suffer from it at any one time.

n 36 million anti-depressant prescriptions are written in Britain each year.

n More than 1.2 million people made contact with England's mental health services during 2008-09 – a 2.7 per cent rise on the previous year.

n Insomnia and fatigue are the most common symptoms of mental distress, with a 2000 survey finding that 29 per cent of patients had reported sleep problems.