A sorry state of affairs as technology eases the way to adultery

In the days before mobile phones and the internet, those tempted by a little extra-marital activity had to be prepared to put in some hard work.

Assignations had to be arranged days in advance, secret calls were made at previously agreed times from telephone boxes and before anyone had heard of Facebook or its predecessor Friends Reunited, for most the desire to reignite their first lost love remained nothing more than an idle dream.

Not any more. Texts and email have taken the strain out of dangerous liaisons, with everyone from Tiger Woods to Ashley Cole and even the seemingly-domesticated TV presenter Vernon Kaye having pressed the send button on some pretty salacious messages.

Just yesterday it emerged Newcastle United defender Steven Taylor had suffered a broken jaw following an alleged row with team-mate Andy Carroll. The club remained tight-lipped about the exact details, but amid suggestions the brawl was the result of text messages sent to Taylor by Caroll's ex-girlfriend, it seems the sequel to John Terry v Wayne Bridge might well be already underway.

With each new revelation there have been many quick to pass judgment.

However, recent figures suggest that between 30 and 40 per cent of those in a marriage or long-term relationship will stray and modern technology is fast creating a whole new species of adulterers, known as cyber-cheats.

"There's a tendency for people to convince themselves that text messaging and emails don't count," says relationship expert Alison Tinsley, from South Yorkshire. "Unfortunately, there's no such thing as innocent flirting, but there is such a thing as emotional adultery. People tell themselves that as long as they are not having a physical affair with someone, it's okay, but once they've given themselves the green light, there is every chance the situation will escalate.

"Before text messaging and emails, embarking on an affair often

required people to take a monumental decision. These days people can take small incremental steps, but ultimately the outcome tends to be the same. Certainly I am seeing a lot more people who talk about how a few text messages or emails snowballed into something more serious."

Alison knows what she's talking about. After 11 years of marriage, she had an affair with a much younger man. Eventually, she left her first husband convinced that she had found her Mr Right, but the new relationship didn't work out. When confronted with the harsh realities of life as a single mother, she decided to take stock and rethink what it was she wanted from life. She has since remarried and is now director of Lavish Lifestyle Consulting which she launched to help other women who find themselves in similar situations.

"When a relationship isn't working, we tend to think the grass must be greener on the other side," says Alison, whose book Confessions of an Unfaithful Heart documented her own fall from grace. "Affairs, particularly those conducted via email and text, give people the sense of excitement and adventure which has perhaps been lost in their long-term relationships.

"They often start at work because that's where we spend most of our time, but the vast majority of affairs are doomed to disaster. Research shows that only three per cent of married men who have affairs leave their wife for their mistress. Of those that do, more than three-quarters will eventually separate.

"The truth is that at the start of an affair people have completely idealised views of the other person. They have the romantic nights out, they have the flirting and, every so often when they're feeling bored or down, an email or text message will pop up to brighten their day.

But it's not a real relationship.

"They don't have to deal with their bad habits, they don't have to pick their dirty washing from the floor and they don't have to talk about paying the mortgage or who's going to go to the supermarket shopping. I learned the hard way that affairs are only a short-term fix. As hard as it may seem at the time, people would be much better off admitting and addressing the underlying problems in their existing relationship

rather than looking for distractions elsewhere.

"Affairs can seem like a bit of fun, but all too often they lead to heartache."