Sticks and stones may break bones but their words nearly killed me

Sixteen years ago, Carrie Herbert, an educational consultant, made a spilt second decision which was to change the lives of thousands of bullied children across Britain.

Slumped on the settee in front of her sat a girl who had been left so traumatised by bullies, that she tried to take her own life and was now refusing to go to school.

“Dad, mum and the 13-year-old girl sat on my sofa crying and pleading for help and I found myself saying ‘look, if you bring your daughter on Monday morning I’ll sort out her education,’” recalled the former English teacher.

At the time, Herbert, now 60, was working as an advisor on bullying for schools in Cambridge, but she was soon to become much more personally involved.

In just one weekend she decided to turn her own home into the first ever school to help the victims of bullying.

Fast forward 16 years and Herbert is now looking to open a school for severely bullied children in South Yorkshire.

Her townhouse school has grown into the national charity, Red Balloon, with a network of learning centres being opened up and down the country for children too traumatised by bullying to attend mainstream education.

“We are the only charity that provides recovery for bullied children,” she explained.

“Many of our children come completely devastated by what’s happened to them.”

Around half of the children who come to Red Balloon schools have contemplated suicide; others suffer insomnia, panic attacks, depression and even post traumatic stress disorder.

“They are facing death in their terms every day,” saysHerbert.

“If somebody says ‘I’m going to get you and I’m going to kill you. I’m going to punch your face in, ’ you are actually living with the fear of death and that creates flashbacks, panic attacks, the inability to concentrate, the inability sleep, and a whole range of things which we now know as post traumatic stress disorder.”

Red Balloon centres act as a sanctuary for bullied children.

The schools help them to regain their confidence and self-esteem until they are ready to return to mainstream school or further education.

Fundraising is under way to for a centre to open in South Yorkshire.

There will be 15 places for children between the ages of 10 and 17 and eight members of staff including therapists, counsellors and teachers.

The board of trustees is searching for a suitable building in Sheffield.

The Chair of Trustees for South Yorkshire, Dulce Threlfall, explains: “Ideally we would like to find a Victorian terraced property because it needs to have a family atmosphere.

“We don’t want an institutional building or any kind of intimidating atmosphere.”

She added that the charity is still in discussion with the education authority over funding and that this financial support would need to be in place before the centre could open.

“We need local authority funding for the teaching and pastoral care of these children.”

Last summer Mrs Threlfall set off on a 130-mile sponsored horse ride across the Scottish Highlands and raised £3,500 to put towards the costs of setting up the centre.

Red Balloon is the only charity in Britain that works with severely bullied children who are out of school and missing an education.

Research by the charity found that one in a thousand children are so badly bullied they are taken out of school and left isolated at home. A survey that was commissioned by the organisation last year estimated that there are more than 16,000 children who are absent from school due to severe bullying.

“We give them a safe learning environment with one to one education and suddenly they flourish and bloom,” says Herbert. “Ninety-five per cent of the children at Red Balloon recover, many go back to mainstream school, 47 per cent go on to sixth form college; 30 per cent of these then go on to university.

These are children who like learning and want to learn without being humiliated. “There are some schools where they have brilliant policies and the incidence of bullying in those schools is drastically reduced.

“But if you are living or working in a school in a very challenging area where there’s lots of poverty and lots of single parent families and academic study is not particularly valued, then I think that you have a much greater problem.”

Red Balloon is expanding fast. There are currently six learning centres in Cambridge, Norwich, Harrow, Merseyside, Reading and Warwick and there are plans to open three more, including the one in South Yorkshire.

In the meantime, bullied children in South Yorkshire are being encouraged to take part in the charity’s on-line tutoring service, Red Balloon of the Air.

During Anti-Bullying Week (November 14-18) run by the Anti-Bullying Alliance, the focus is on verbal bullying, with the theme “Stop and think – words can hurt”.

Research by the Department for Education has found that verbal bullying is common among young people, with 31 per cent of youngsters experiencing verbal bullying at the age of 14.

Indeed, a report by the NSPCC last year found that verbal abuse was the most common form of bullying.

Sue Steel, of the Anti-Bullying Alliance, says: “One of the reasons why verbal bullying is the most common form of bullying around is that it is easy to do.

“Both children and adults recognise when they are going over the line physically, but it might not be as easy to distinguish when they’re going over the line in terms of the words they are using.”

The Alliance says that verbal bullying has many guises.

As well as direct words, it can include notes passed in the classroom, or the far more common cyberbullying involving sending nasty, offensive or threatening text messages or emails, posting offensive comments on social networking sites, or spreading rumours and lies through text, email or social networking sites.

For more information about the plans to open a Red Balloon school in South Yorkshire, visit: www.redballoonlearner.co.uk or email: [email protected]

How to spot a bullied child

The ABA advises that signs a child is being bullied – verbally or physically – may include:

Showing signs of stress – being moody, silent or crying, or bullying a younger sibling or friend.

Making excuses to miss school, such as stomach complaints or headaches

Seeming upset after using the internet or mobile phone, or changing their behaviour -– for example, no longer wanting to look at new text messages immediately, or being secretive and unwilling to talk about their online activities and phone use.

Changing their eating habits.

Sleeping badly.

Wetting the bed.

For help visit: www.anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk