Virginia Ironside on agony and the joys of getting older

As an agony aunt Virginia Ironside is used to hearing other people’s problems, but she has had a fair share of her own to contend with. At 69, she has never been happier. Yvette Huddleston meets her.
Virginia IronsideVirginia Ironside
Virginia Ironside

“Because there is so much gloom about growing old, people forget there is an upside,” says Virginia Ironside, agony aunt, columnist, author – and now stand-up comedian. Her one-woman show Growing Old Disgracefully, a gently humorous observation of the positive aspects of ageing, is touring the country and comes to Grassington festival this weekend.

In fact Ironside, who admits being dogged by depression all her life, says she has never been happier than when she turned 60.

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“I suffered from terrible depression all through my early life,” she says. “The years after being 60 have, no question, been the happiest years of my life.”

Before becoming an agony aunt, Ironside worked as temporary secretary to Shirley Williams before working at Vogue and was a music journalist for the Daily Mail in the Sixties – Jimi Hendrix, the Rolling Stones and the Beatles are among the rock luminaries she has interviewed. She is typically self-deprecating about her success.

“As a baby boomer in the Sixties, you just stepped into jobs,” she says. “I have ridden on a wave. I found it very easy to find work.”

But beneath the outward glamour and excitement of her rock chick adventures, there was a darkness – Ironside had a turbulent, chaotic childhood.

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The only child of artist Christopher Ironside and his wife Janey Acheson, her 2003 memoir Janey and Me charts her difficult relationship with her charismatic, successful mother who was professor of fashion at the Royal College of Art in the 1960s. She was also a depressive and an alcoholic, which cast a shadow over the young Virginia’s life.

“I was constantly trying to make her feel better – watching her and reading her,” she says. “I think, while that was a very unhappy time for me, it was very good ground work for helping others. It’s great to have made a career out of it but that kind of experience does make you focus on other people rather than thinking about yourself.”

Ironside admits to still being dogged by anxiety, self-doubt and depression, though less so now than when she was younger. She seems today to be very comfortable in her own skin. Single with one son, who plays in the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain, Ironside views herself lucky.

“I live quite a charmed life to be honest,” she says. “Ever since I was quite young I have been freelance – I do what I like when I like. I don’t regard what I do as work. I am extremely lucky.”

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It was her experience of turning 60 which led to her writing her 2006 comic novel No! I Don’t Want to Join a Book Club.

A fictional record of a year in the life of retired art teacher Marie Sharp – “she is a jollier, more optimistic version of me,” says Ironside – the book is a kind of post-menopausal Bridget Jones’ Diary. The show, Growing Old Disgracefully, developed out of a series of book readings she gave at literature festivals and is directed by former “Young One” Nigel Planer.

“Whenever I talked about it and did readings from it, I got a very positive audience response. And I thought ‘why not see if I can work it up into a show?’ because I thought I would like to perform it properly.” She got Planer involved after a chance encounter on a cruise ship where she was appearing as a guest speaker.

“I said to him ‘I’m dying to make it into a show and take it up to Edinburgh, do you know anyone who might direct it?’ and he looked as though he would like to run a mile from this mad old lady,” she laughs. “But then I did my reading on a day at sea – so he couldn’t escape seeing it – and afterwards he came up to me and he said ‘you have really got something and I would love to direct you’. I was thrilled. When I look back I can’t believe my arrogance – because then I booked a venue, hired a publicist and took it up to Edinburgh.”

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That was in the summer of 2009 and the show became one of the highlights of that year’s Fringe, with one reviewer describing it as “an oasis of grown-up calm and wisdom amid the histrionics of the festival”. Ironside was snapped up by a couple of producers who were in the audience one night and she has been touring with the show ever since.

“They get me gigs all around the country – I’ve been everywhere,” she says. “It’s quite tiring but it’s fun and I won’t be able to do it forever, I’m 69 now, so I might as well do it while I can.” An accomplished public speaker who regularly appears on radio and television, she has found performing comic material has its own very special rewards. Her audience, she says, are mostly women between the ages of 50 and 70. In among the jokes she doesn’t shy away from the nitty-gritty of growing old either – sex and death are dealt with in a characteristically upfront manner.

“I’ve had enough sex to last me a lifetime,” she chuckles. “In the show I talk about the Sixties and how grisly it was when you had to sleep with everybody.” The section on death is a serious moment, but it is, she hopes, compassionate and reassuring. Her main message throughout is to encourage others to look for the plus points of becoming older. “You have old friends, and memories,” she says. “You have grandchildren – and my two are lovely, I adore them. It’s not difficult to look good when you are older either because most people have let themselves go. The idea is not to look like a vandalised old council hut but rather like a beautiful ruin painted by Poussin. You can have so much more confidence; you become less miserable and nervous and more outspoken – and you can dare to do things.”

Prolific writer with plenty to say

When not performing her show Growing Old Disgracefully, Virginia Ironside is still writing her weekly advice page for The Independent, a monthly column for The Oldie as well as working on the third in her series of novels about Marie Sharp – the second No! I Don’t Need Reading Glasses was published last month – and performing her show. There is no sign of her slowing down any time soon. “The great thing about being a writer is you don’t have to stop,” she says. 
Her work as an agony aunt has been, and continues to be, extremely fulfilling. “It’s very nice to be a journalist and be able to hold your head up high,” she says. “I feel I help people, my views are still fresh and I have 
a different 
take on things. I still enjoy it and find it very stimulating.” Virginia Ironside’s Growing Old Disgracefully is 
at Grassington Festival on Sunday, June 16, at 8pm. www.grassington-festival.org.uk. Her new book No! I Don’t Need Reading Glasses is out now published by Quercus.

www.virginiaironside.org