Baffle, my two-year-old Patterdale bitch, has been dipping her paw into a bit of internet dating recently in the search to find a mate for her first litter of puppies. In the past finding my pooches a mate has meant a queue at the door but not this time.
I had to explain to Baffle that other dogs might be busy at work and not have time to tap away at social media looking for a date. Finding a partner smaller than a Labrador has so far proved near impossible for my beloved scallywag.
Baffle has decided she will not be put off in her quest so has written a new advert, this time baring warts and all. Somewhere out there she knows her ideal dog is waiting.
It goes something like this...
Wanted, a mate for the night. I am an attractive young black bitch with a chipolata tail and a sociable friendly nature. My qualities are loyalty (to whoever is eating their tea), doing tricks (begging for food) and being sociable (the more attention I get the better).
I am a loving pet with a free spirit and an adventurous, roaming nature. I love children, trips out, my friend Johnny the Swaledale (when he is not head butting me), trying to run faster than the racehorses and holes of any kind.
I do have a fault or two (who doesn’t?) – the first is a wind problem (silent but deadly they say) which the family are working hard to solve. My second is my hearing. This is just a minor issue I get on occasion, my owner calls it selective deafness (but maybe she doesn’t shout loud enough).
Aside from these trifling flaws I am tough, never back down and even tolerate the pesky farm cats stealing my bed or rubbing their tails in my face when I’m tied on the yard.
In return for these honest attributes I am hoping to find a kind natured partner to hopefully sire my first litter of puppies. He must be small, dark and handsome with suitable terrier breeding. Age is immaterial but he must have all his own faculties in full working order. I like a bit of rough so looks are not top of my list, war wounds only add to the character.
A proven record would be nice but as a novice myself I don’t mind us learning the ropes together. I do not need wining and dining, I’m a cheap date and not very picky.
Basically, if you have a nice nature and smell of fox poo you will win me over in no time.
Any dog thinking this sounds like a match made in canine heaven can you please get in touch with my chaperone and include some photos. She can be contacted on email@example.com
No ‘bling’ lovers or handbag pooches need apply – I may not be picky but even I have standards.