Gareth Ellis: Why raising mental health awareness is key for people offloading problems

I AM quite lucky; I'm naturally quite positive and laid back with the attitude of what's a problem today won't be a worry tomorrow.
IT'S GOOD TO TALK: Gareth Ellis.  Picture: Bruce RollinsonIT'S GOOD TO TALK: Gareth Ellis.  Picture: Bruce Rollinson
IT'S GOOD TO TALK: Gareth Ellis. Picture: Bruce Rollinson

Not all people are. Mental health is an important issue not just in sport but society in general.

There is more help out there now and awareness is improving.

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It is great that – with the State of Mind Super League round coming up later this month – people are now starting to open up more and see that there is a way forward.

Terry NewtonTerry Newton
Terry Newton

But even though I’m naturally positive, I’ve had my own moments.

When it came to retirement, I’m not saying I was ever suicidal – and, as we know, that has happened in rugby league – but there were times when I was getting down due to the fact I couldn’t carry on playing rugby: my dream job.

I have had some moments since retiring, too, when I probably have been a bit depressed.

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Things like realising that I wouldn’t be earning as much money as I once was and wondering if I would still be able to provide for my family.

Making the decision to retire was a really tough one. I was certainly up and down quite a bit. I can see how things can escalate for some.

It is nice to be able to speak to people about these things and I have.

Feka Paleaaesina, who used to be a team-mate at Hull, is now our player welfare manager and I do speak to him about it.

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Likewise, I chat to Kirk Yeaman who has been through the same thing after retiring himself. It helps. And it’s important people do always look for help.

In the NRL, they are very good at this sort of thing. In fact, we’re probably still a little bit behind them.

But there’s been a few recent instances in rugby league over there where young lads have taken their own life.

I’d just left Wests Tigers to join Hull FC when, unfortunately, Mosese Fotuaika did just that back in 2013. He was a junior when I was there but he’d joined the first-grade squad just as I headed home.

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I trained with him and he was a really quiet lad but you never expect what happened to happen.

It was only the year before that that Wests’ former conditioner Sean Burns also took his own life. He was with Parramatta Eels at the time.

It wasn’t a great time for the club and, when Mosese died, it did really hit home with me.

Some lads can take failure or knock-backs but others can take things far more personally.

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I’ve never been in that position and can only imagine what it must feel like to think that the best thing you can do is take your own life.

You think back and think if they‘d just spoken to someone I’m sure it could have been prevented. That’s why it’s important we have these State of Mind rounds and really embrace them; to remind people that people are there to help.

It might just be as little as a one-off conversation but it can make such a difference for someone in need.

Obviously, I think about Tez Newton, too. All the time I spent with him, either with England or Great Britain, he was the life and soul.

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He was not just one of the funniest players I ever played with but one of the funniest blokes I’ve ever known.

He was such a bubbly character and the last person you would ever expect to hear had taken his own life. It just shows that you don’t even know what is going on in someone’s life.

It’s good that we are now getting on board with it and the awareness of State Of Mind round, the annual dedicated round of fixtures which this year runs from June 14 to 17.

People are really talking about these issues now whereas in the past that was not the case.

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I know in my dad’s time it was very much a case of you just got on with things and you didn’t open up about feelings. You kept things bottled up or behind closed doors. But you never can tell what is going on with someone if they don’t speak out and we can raise some awareness through sport. It’s as prevalent in sport as anywhere else and this helps encourage people to talk.

Everyone has their moments where they feel like everything is getting on top of them or nothing is going right. In terms of my own experience of helping other players in this regard when I was playing, I probably have and not really even known it.

I can’t think of any one single example but I’m pretty sure looking back now that someone has offloaded on me (Off-load is actually the theme of this year’s SoM round tackling anxiety and depression) and I’ve tried to give them a bit of reassurance.

Sometimes all they want is to hear that. As a senior player, getting older, it was almost part of my responsibility to help players in that way.

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I feel it’s always important that older players are always approachable – I hope that particularly younger players could come speak to me about anything - and it is key that people who are struggling always do know someone if there to listen.