Expert answers: My happy boy is causing trouble at school

When children are disruptive in the classroom, it can cause a lot of problems for their classmates and their teachers. But in the long

run, it is the disruptive child who is most impacted, on both a social and educational level.

So why are some children disruptive at school? Sometimes it is the classroom environment itself that triggers disruptive behaviour.

Often children who are all right at home, or who can manage in small groups, find that when they hit a classroom situation with 25 or 30 children, one adult, a lot of structure, and few choices, then a lot of behavioural problems start

to show up. They can't

handle the kinds of rule impositions that a classroom involves.

Almost immediately, teachers act upon disruptive behaviour if it includes bullying, teasing, hitting and name-calling.

The red flag for children who are exhibiting really serious behaviour problems like hurting other pupils

is usually raised quite quickly.

What some teachers consider to be disruptive, others don't. In other words, it will depend upon an individual teacher's tolerance.

Some teachers are just more tolerant, so sometimes we see children who have a good year and a bad year, a good year and a bad year, depending upon the tolerance of the teacher.

If your child is being described as disruptive on a regular basis, it is probably wise to talk to the teacher and get the specifics on what the teacher considers disruptive.

Also, talk to your child to understand why your child is behaving this way. Without realising it, disruptive behaviour may be your child's way of making friends or getting more attention.

And disruptive behaviour can be a sign that your child is frustrated due to a learning disability or is bored because he is under-challenged.

All in all, disruptive classroom behaviour needs to be explored because it could signal that something more is going on than meets the eye.

Paul Charlson, GP from Brough

I think the first place to start is his teachers.

You should express your concerns and ask for their ideas on why this is happening and how it can be managed. Often this is attention seeking so the worst thing you can do is over-react to bad behaviour when it happens. You should tell him quietly and calmly afterwards that you are disappointed that he is badly behaved and wait for his conscience to kick in. It is important to set boundaries for your son's behaviour and tell him what is acceptable and what isn't.

You need a system of sanctions and rewards. Reward charts are often useful to reinforce good behaviour and you might consider this strategy.

In the end you must set clear boundaries and stick to them, the idea is to instil a sense of self-control, morality and self-respect in your son. One common cause of bad behaviour is exhaustion, children simply being tired, so make sure your son gets enough sleep.

Elaine Douglas, A chartered psychologist who specialises in family and child relationships

At four he won't have the language or the thought processes to explain and understand why he has behaved in this way and it seems a little harsh to suggest that two incidents are forming a pattern of behaviour. I am not sure why his teachers would think this if they are happy with his progress.

What I would be tempted to do is to focus on his good behaviour and minimise these lapses. Research suggests that to develop good behaviour it is much better to focus on a child's good points and things they do right. You need to praise him when he behaves well and reward him – however, not all the time or with things that are out of proportion to his behaviour.

The key to this though is that you don't do it every time he does something good. In psychological terms it's called "intermittent reinforcement".

In other words, if you reward everything it loses its potency and becomes meaningless, but from time to time it really works.

Cary Cooper, Professor of Organisational Psychology and Health at Lancaster University

I am not a child psychologist but if it was my son I would probably arrange to see a child or educational psychologist through the LEA, and get some advice about how to handle this.

The difficulty is that if you over-emphasise it, this pattern may continue because it reinforces attention seeking troublesome behaviour.

It could be the case that he does this to attract attention, either because he feels ignored or is having difficulties and doesn't know how to express it as his age. I guess you somehow need to find out what it is that is driving this behaviour and then do whatever it is that resolves the issue(s), and doesn't reinforce the behaviours.

This is very difficult with a child so young but I am sure a trained child psychologist might be able to help think through your options.

Dr Carol Burniston, Consultant Clinical Child Psychologist

I wonder if something has changed recently either at school or at home? Your son is telling you by his behaviour he doesn't feel completely happy. He may not know the reasons for his behaviour, but you may be able to identify some trigger in his environment.

Sometimes a change of teacher or new children joining the class can prove difficult to cope with. Ask him if anyone is doing something he doesn't like as this may throw up an issue such as bullying. If the concerns about his behaviour are only at school, this is important in understanding where the worries may lie.

If the problem persists, the school can discuss your son's behaviour with the educational psychologist assigned to them.

You should talk to your son about the right way to behave and give him clear messages about what is and isn't acceptable. To maintain his self-esteem, try to ensure you separate the child and the action, by telling your son you love him but you don't like certain things he does.