Modern Dilemmas: Forget your past and enjoy a new-found love

Dear Alex – I have finally met a great girl and after seeing each other for nine months I feel ready to ask her to move in with me. But before I met her, I was a one-night stand guy and had a bit of a reputation for breaking hearts. If she found out, it could change how she feels about me. Is there any way I can avoid it because I don't want to lose her?
By The Newsroom
Published 3rd Jun 2010, 12:06 BST
Updated 3rd Jun 2010, 12:06 BST

It is so special when we meet someone who turns our life around, making us happier than we thought possible. It can only be described as the start of a great adventure – exciting and scary, too. Being embarrassed about your past is understandable but, of course, no reason to let it spoil your future.

We have all done stuff we're not proud of but letting your past have a future will have you paying for old mistakes again and again. There is also something to be said about your past making you who you are today, someone who now appreciates a great girlfriend. Perhaps you had to go through that phase before you could reach this one. However you want to look at it, the facts are the same; that was then and this is now. Let your past go and remember it as a small stage in your life. Forgive your behaviour if that is an issue for you, but do stop beating yourself up fearing that you don't deserve someone who loves you back. You do.

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You've already changed your behaviour and that is a big step forward. Now your feelings have made your next move obvious – it's time to start loving yourself. Not in the narcissistic way but genuinely being kind and caring, treating yourself like a best friend would.

In relationships, you need love and trust but what many people don't realise is that you must love and trust yourself first in order for any relationship to truly work. No one can save another, not really. One of life's great lessons is that we learn how to love ourselves unconditionally; only then we can find lasting happiness. When you come from that place, you attract and develop great relationships. If you don't, you suffer relationship misery of some sort or another.

Okay, so let's say she found out about your past and it did affect how she feels then perhaps she's not right for you, after all. Once you love and trust yourself, you will know not to give up on love because it will only be a matter of time before you're feeling the dizzy heights of a great relationship once again.

Put all your energy into what you can both create together now because that will be your relationship's strength. Be yourself, love who that is and enjoy the adventure.

Alexandra Watson is a leading Happiness Coach and best selling author. If you have a dilemma ask Alex by going to www. Alexandra Watson.com