Modern Dilemmas: How can I trust my boyfriend again?

Dear Alex – My boyfriend recently had a one-night stand while on holiday with his friends. He says it meant nothing and he wants me to take him back but how can I trust him or feel the same about him again?
By The Newsroom
Published 18th Aug 2010, 22:25 BST
Updated 18th Aug 2010, 22:26 BST

Trust is the glue that holds a relationship together and once that has gone, it is almost impossible to have any fulfilling partnership. Your boyfriend knows that what he did was stupid and has probably ruined what you two had together.

Many people forgive their partners and take them back after an infidelity. It is very much an individual choice depending on what type of relationship you want and how much you are willing to try or compromise.

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If you took him back, would you be able to forgive or trust him again when he went out with his friends? The biggest mistake some make is to take someone back and then not allow them to have any freedom. Because the trust has gone they think controlling behaviour will save them from being hurt again. It never does. Resentment sets in, arguments begin and then everyone is miserable and the relationship crumbles.

The only way to successfully take him back is to forgive him completely. Never to use it against him and never let it haunt you. It is a huge ask and a challenging one. Your commit-ment to forgiveness depends on how much you love him and want to build a future to-gether.

The other option is to end the relationship and move on. Think about how that would feel for you.

Try not to let fear of being on your own keep you in a relationship and at the same time weigh up whether he deserves a second chance. You can always ask him why he made such a decision. Is there something missing in your relationship that made him feel the need to be unfaithful? Talk to him first, get to his feelings and see if there is something you can work on together, that is the least you can do. Afterwards you can weigh up how you feel and make your decision then.

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Knowing what you want from a relationship is key. If being unfaithful is a deal breaker then let it be so. Have a clear idea of your priorities and values and stick to them. That is the only way to make yourself happy in the long run. Remember, no one can make you happy but yourself.

Alexandra Watson is a leading Happiness Coach and best selling author. If you have a dilemma, ask Alex by going to www.AlexandraWatson.com