Modern Dilemmas: United home front is vital when raising a family

Dear Alex – My husband and I have two daughters of eight and 12 but increasingly we are having major disagreements on how we should raise them. We argue constantly in front of them each time they need attention or disciplining which is causing me misery and the girls mass confusion and upset. How can we come together?
By The Newsroom
Published 22nd Apr 2010, 12:16 BST
Updated 22nd Apr 2010, 12:16 BST

Girls are growing up faster than ever before with more potentially dangerous influences that many parents have to overcome so it's vital to have a united home front. Seeing your parents argue can be upsetting enough, but it has a more significant effect when your children know you are arguing about them.

Your eldest girl is at a highly vulnerable age as she's heading towards her teens. She wants to appear and look more grown up but is still very much a child, no matter how much she might protest against this. However, you can no longer get away with treating her like one and so this is probably where you and your husband differ, because as she changes, your approach has to evolve also. And bear in mind that your youngest is watching every step you make knowing it will affect her rights of passage.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

The first thing is you must stop arguing, especially when your girls can hear you. This is extremely destructive for the family balance and security. Next, you and your husband should have a long chat about your girls' age and how best to communicate with them from now on. Bring up all the uncomfortable subjects like puberty and sex because it is heading your way fast. Both of you agree upon a solid stance for each topic so when it crops up, you are both as prepared as possible.

Set boundaries on all the day to day run-ins like bed time and staying out, parties, sleepovers, boyfriends and computer access, for example. Redesign your parenting so it helps you form as much a protective, loving barrier as possible without suffocating or confusing them. It's a fact that girls are more complicated than boys, so talk to them, explain your reasoning but keep firm. Let them see that you and your husband make a strong team and they will feel safer and calmer helping them to make well-balanced choices rather than rebellious or desperate ones.

Review your boundaries often and don't be put off if something doesn't work straight away. You are both good loving parents who want the best for your girls. Here's a golden rule; if you are ever faced with an awkward question or situation give yourselves 24 hours to respond to it. This gives you the chance to think it through together preventing a knee-jerk reaction which can only make matters worse.

Alexandra Watson is a leading Happiness Coach and best- selling author. If you have a modern dilemma, ask

Alex by going to www.AlexandraWatson.com