Modern Dilemmas: You'll find an answer if you ask the right questions

Dear Alex – Our family is facing a crisis. I am from a large family and our mother, who is now 87, needs extra care. I would prefer it if she went into a home, but some of the others want to take it in turns to look after her. Everyone feels so passionately about it but the decision is down to me. What should I do?
By The Newsroom
Published 26th Feb 2010, 09:16 BST
Updated 26th Feb 2010, 09:16 BST

Facing a family crisis of some kind is a reality for most of us. With them come emotional as well as financial strains and coping long-term with the choices you make today can be very challenging. Expect many opinions, with the guarantee you will not be able to please or appease them all.

It boils down to making the right decision. One that is good for the whole family, not just one person, and can withstand possible set-backs, criticism, blame and derision. Tough, yes impossible, no. The crucial element while making your choice is what you base your decision on. If you fear what people will say or think, fear that you are not worthy enough to make the right decision or fear the outcome, then you are ensuring you make a poor one. Fear clouds our better judgment and befuddles our perception, we stop trusting ourselves and become the victim of the crisis instead of its liberator and yet it is where most of us are coming from when we make life changing choices.

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The first step to take when faced with a highly volatile choice is to separate yourself from it emotionally. Instead let go of fear and trust yourself. This will not only make you feel better, but will also ensure you now function from a position of strength.

Now when it comes to the practicalities of making your decisions work, the key is in asking yourself the right questions. We constantly ask ourselves questions, which account for about 80 per cent of our thinking, the only problem is most of us don't ask intelligent questions. The old adage "ask a stupid question and you get a stupid answer" is quite true. However we ask, the answer will be of the same quality as the question. So ask smart questions and you have a strong likelihood of getting a good answer. Begin your questions with "what's the best way to…?" then follow that with "what would be the best first step to take?" then "what resources do I already have that can help me?" And finally, "what else can I do to ensure that this works well?"

Pretty soon you've asked your way out of the crisis and into a strong solution.

Alexandra Watson, leading happiness coach, best-selling author and co-founder of National Happiness Day helps celebrities, Olympic athletes and business professionals with dilemmas and personal issues www.AlexandraWatson.com