Nick Ahad: Finally succumbed to Twitter, but promise – no breakfast updates

And that’s why I’ve avoided Twitter and Facebook. Social media and the use of it for networking in this digital age, I am constantly being reminded, is vital. Yet all I see whenever I enter this brave new world are those desperate to share the utter brain-sapping minutiae of their lives.

I have one “friend” on Facebook who appears to do little other than go out to clubs and bars three or four times a week simply in order to take photographs of himself in clubs and bars having a “grrreaaat!” time. He looks dead behind the eyes, but his 200-plus followers need to see regular updates or he might cease to exist. When did proving what a truly splendid time you are having on a digital platform become the apogee of modern human achievement?

I was signed up a couple of years ago to Facebook by my partner and it held my interest for all of a week, during which time I made contact with some people I used to be friends with and had a couple of interesting conversations, then that was it. Life took over.

I regularly receive guilt-inducing messages from the Facebook masters telling me that I have almost 100 people waiting for me to “friend” them, but I barely have time for my actual friends. Besides which, I recently upgraded my phone to a swanky piece of technology that takes me straight to a Facebook page that I sometime idly trawl. A quick look informs me that one of my “friends” fell through a deck chair on a balcony this afternoon and one friend needs a tent peg to finish her pioneer camp. I have literally no idea what that means. It may surprise you to know, then, that I have also signed up to Twitter. I did this because I heard that England bowler Graeme Swann was on the site and his Tweets, as I believe they are known, are very funny. I “followed” him and said mobile phone device also provides me with regular updates on Swanny’s movements.

A (real-life) friend then pointed out that signing up to the site to follow one person makes me look very much like a stalker, so I now follow others, mainly arts critics and organisations, and – it’s brilliant. There are still those who feel the need to share their breakfast details with the world, but a surprising number actually appear to use the site for good, useful things. I am signed up and willing to give it a go. If you fancy having a look, my name or tag or whatever it’s called is @nickahad and on there I will post updates of shows, arts news in Yorkshire and, I promise, nothing about what I’m having for breakfast.