Review: Valentine's Day (12A)***

Singletons of the world unite. Let us denounce Valentine's Day as a conspiracy by florists and greetings card companies to pray upon our loneliness by flogging us over-priced red roses and sappy declarations of undying love.
By The Newsroom
Published 12th Feb 2010, 11:07 BST
Updated 12th Feb 2010, 11:07 BST

Why should we all feel compelled to bear our souls on February 14, when any other day of the year would do just as well and isn't nearly as expensive?

"It's Valentine's Day. You don't think, you just do," chirps one of the sappy, loved-up characters in Garry Marshall's sugar-coated tale of romance and heartbreak – an ensemble piece that suggests screenwriter Katherine Fugate has overdosed on Richard Curtis's comedy, Love Actually, and decided to pen her own version, set in the sun-baked streets of Los Angeles.

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Two hours isn't long enough to fully develop more than 20 major protagonists and their storylines, and Garry Marshall's film runs the risk of being little more than cinematic candy-floss.

However, amid the gooey sentiments and shameless wish fulfilment – subtlety isn't one of Fugate's strengths – there are some big laughs and eye-catching performances from a stellar cast, who appear to be having a ball.

As the sun rises on the city, florist Reed (Ashton Kutcher) proposes to career-driven girlfriend Morley (Jessica Alba) and, miraculously, she accepts, to the surprise of his happily married right-hand man Alphonso (George Lopez) and teacher best friend Julia (Jennifer Garner).

Elsewhere, Julia's fifth-grade student, Edison (Bryce Robinson) plots a surprise, his grandparents Estelle (Shirley MacLaine) and Edgar (Hector Elizondo) celebrate another year together, and TV sports reporter Kelvin (Jamie Foxx) woos agent Paula (Queen Latifah)

and publicist Kara (Jessica Biel) for an exclusive

on American football quarterback, Sean Jackson (Eric Dane).

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Meanwhile, in the skies above Los Angeles, US Army Captain Kate Hazeltine (Julia Roberts) shares her excitement about a surprise reunion with fellow passenger Holden (Bradley Cooper).

Valentine's Day is a morass of cloying fairytale romances across the generations that predominantly end with a happy ever after or, at the very least, a comeuppance and emotional closure.

You'll need a very sweet tooth to stomach all of the saccharine outpourings, culminating in some amusing out-takes.