The generation of carers who are left stuck in the middle

Grete Roberts has a full-time job. Along with her retired husband, Dennis, they care full-time for her dad, Albert Cotton, who needs 24-hour care for a range of complex health needs.

Dennis takes his grandson Toby, eight, to and from school when Toby's dad is working shifts. The couple also look after their three grandchildren, aged 18 months, three and eight every other weekend, to give their two children and their partners "a break", says Grete.

The Robertses are part of what is being dubbed "the sandwich generation". A new report has revealed that millions of Britons are struggling to care for both elderly parents and grandchildren in a growing number of four-generation families.

As we all live longer, 30 per cent of UK adults are now part of four-generation families fuelling a rapidly growing "sandwich generation" caught between younger and older family members and unable to spread their time effectively.

Sixty-eight per cent of this sandwich generation in Yorkshire and the Humber is actively involved in the care of both the youngest and the oldest generation of their family and that figure is set

to rise.

For Grete and Dennis it means they often end up exhausted.

"My dad is in his eighties and he is very disabled, suffering from about ten different illnesses," explains Grete.

The couple took the difficult decision in April to move in with Albert because he needed 24-hour care.

"The doctors said that he really needed to go into a residential home, but I knew what his feelings were about homes and I don't think he would have survived six months."

So Grete and Dennis rented their apartment in Horsforth and moved in with Albert in to the family home Grete hadn't lived in since she was a child.

"I work full time at Otley hospital. Dennis is semi-retired and cares for Dad during the day and I care for him at night."

The family pay for carers to come in three times a day to carry out basic duties such as washing Albert and changing him. They pay a private agency 55 a week – the same amount Dennis is given in carers' allowance for looking after Dennis.

"It is ridiculous the amount Dennis does compared to the amount of money he is given," says Grete, 57.

The World Alzheimer's Report recently highlighted that the cost of informal care (unpaid care provided by family members and others) accounts for 42 per cent of the total cost of dementia worldwide, underlining the huge responsibility the sandwich generation carers are facing.

As if caring for an ageing relative wasn't enough both Dennis and Grete help look after their three grandchildren.

"When my son is working shifts Dennis does the school run with Toby our grandson. And we have all three every second weekend to give their parents a break.

"We do get tired and sometimes it is very hard, but my mum looked after my kids when I went to work so I am just doing the same for my son."

It is only a few years since the Roberts' sons left home themselves, in fact a couple of years ago their sons returned to live at home for a while so there were often four generations in the house.

Although Grete doesn't resent looking after the family, she does believe that more could be done to help carers.

"I feel very strongly about it," she says. "I was looking after both my parents until my mum died in 2001 and over the years we have saved the State a lot of money.

"I just feel that carers aren't recognised enough for what they do and as people live longer there are going to be more and more people in

our position.

"It is appalling that the Government just seems happy to let you get on with it."

This week's survey found on average, grandparents in the region with parents still alive were spending 2.5 days a week helping out with childcare or helping their elderly parents do things such as get to hospital appointments, pay bills and do the shopping.

The survey was conducted by Helping Hands to highlight the pressures ageing Brits are facing trapped in this dual caring role.

Lindsey Edgehill, Care Services Manager for Helping Hands, said: "Instead of enjoying the so-called 'best years of your life', people approaching retirement are under more pressure than ever."

The demands placed on the sandwich generation have led to one in five suffering ill- health and 21 per cent admitted that all the time spent acting as a carer for the rest of the family was affecting their relationship with their partner.

One in four said they were tired all the time. Nearly a quarter asked were supporting their parents at an average spend of 169 a month while one in three is having to support grandchildren financially with an average spend of 134 a month. Most of this money is spent on food, clothes, bills and saving for their grandchildren's future.

Nationally, women are feeling the strain more than men with nearly half saying that they feel that they have no time to themselves.

One in three women thought they spent too much of their time caring for their families while only a fifth of men felt the same.

Cary Cooper, Professor of Organisational Psychology and Health, at Lancaster University said the next five years would be hard for the "sandwich" generation.

"We are going through a difficult period for this age group. But with the changes to pensions they will find themselves working longer and unable to look after their grandchildren and older relatives unless the Government changes the rules regarding flexible working."

Prof Cooper said the Government needed to extend flexible working to everyone, not just people with children under 18 in order to reflect the changes in our population or else there would be a caring crisis.