In celebration of adoptive parents

“I was like an old woman when I saw a baby, cooing over it. I just played with dolls and pushchairs.”

It wasn’t until Ben hit 21 and had worked with adults and children with additional complex needs, that he started to think seriously however of adopting a child.

“I read that you had to be 21 to adopt, but I never thought in a million years they would accept little old Ben. I thought only rich and famous people like Madonna got to adopt children.”

Despite this stigma surrounding adoption, which Ben says in some respects still exists today, he decided to contact social services at Kirklees Council and put himself forward to adopt.

“I got a phone call asking if I’d like to go and see them for an initial interview. I then started to think this could actually become a reality and that I could become a parent.”

Not only was Ben worried about his age, he was also concerned that he was not in a relationship.

“I knew that I had a lot of proving to do,” he says.

But he needn’t have worried. Although the process was in depth and lengthy, three years after his first inquiry Ben was approved to adopt his first child,

“It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t plain sailing. But I knew what I wanted and I am the type of person who will fight for what they want, although there were times in the process when I thought ‘it’s not going to happen’.

“My mum, who has been my rock throughout, never thought it would happen either. She thought who’s going to want little old Ben from Yorkshire.

“She wanted to protect me from disappointment but as time went by and I kept getting through each part of the process she started to believe it too. She started to get excited about being a granny.”

Ben recalls the moment he first met his son.

“His foster mother had prepared him for my arrival and he just looked at me and said ‘daddy’. I really had to get used to him calling me daddy and me calling him my son. I have to admit that I didn’t love him at first. I cared for him deeply, but he was someone else’s child, but then after a short time we were out and he slipped and grazed his knee and it was like a bolt of lightening I knew that I loved him and would do anything to protect him.” Ben’s son is now eight and suffers a number of difficulties including autism and OCD linked to his autism.

“I know he’s not my birth son, but he has started to adopt some of my mannerisms and the way I do things.” Ben always knew that he wanted more children and so applied to Kirklees for a second time.

“I have had amazing support from my social worker and also from my son’s foster carer, Brenda.” His second child, a little girl now aged five, has severe disabilities. She has a congenital condition called Pierre Robin syndrome, visual impairment and scoliosis of the spine, which meant she needed a wheelchair and was tube fed.

“She had major attachment issues. She was from a different culture and has multisensory issues. I knew that she had a sister but it would have been wrong of me to adopt them at the same time. She needed a lot of my time and attention.

“Now she is running around the place, eating and her little personality has come through and she has started at a mainstream school.”

Once she turned a corner, Ben went back to Kirklees and said that he was ready for her sister to join the family. The little girl is profoundly deaf which meant Ben had to brush up on his sign language and teach it to the other children. Having three young children in a household is a challenge for anyone but when they all have complex needs and you are on your own, the challenge seems almost too great. But not for Ben, who also works part-time at a local school, teaching British Sign Language on a voluntary basis and as a lunchtime supervisor.

“I am very organised and get all their clothes ready the night before. I have a huge amount of support from my mum, friends and my social worker. We are just one big happy family,

“I do know that without me it is likely my children would all still be in care and people say they are lucky to have me, but I say no, I am lucky to have my children. People say I am special but I don’t agree.”

Ben has welcomed changes to the law which will make it quicker and easier for people to adopt. “If it means that children will spend less time in care and more time with their adoptive parents then I am all for it.”

And he is urging other people to consider adopting children with additional needs.

“I know it isn’t for everyone, but all I ask is that people think about it, and possibly look into it. They bring so much to your life. It is a case of looking at what they can do rather than what they can’t. It’s about breaking down barriers and giving these children a chance.

“My eldest daughter has no bones in her arms and I have never once said ‘let me do that for you’. I have said ‘You can do it. And she can.”

And Ben isn’t finished there. He has just been approved to adopt a fourth child who he hopes will be a child with Down’s Syndrome. As for a partner, Ben says he is happy being single.

“I am not looking for a relationship and it would have to be a pretty special person to take on someone with four children with additional needs. Never say never but I am happy with my family the way it is.”