How you can help loved ones struggling with the latest lockdown

Increasing numbers of people are struggling with the latest pandemic restrictions, a recent study has revealed.

Research released by the Mental Health Foundation in December found key indicators of distress among UK adults – including loneliness, suicidality and not coping well with stress – were worse than at the start of the pandemic.

Even if you’re not feeling too bad about the situation, chances are you’ll know someone who is.

You might feel there’s not a lot you can do to help them during the current lockdown.  But don’t let the lack of physical proximity to your friends and family put you off helping them through the crisis.

Dr George Fieldman , a cognitive behavioural psychotherapist, says: “This period is proving very, very stressful for many people.

“The term social distancing is misleading – what we need is behavioural spacing, that’s a much better term.

“Social distancing has all sorts of implications which are totally unnecessary and actively counter-productive to stopping the spread of the virus.

“We want to have as much social contact as possible, but in safe ways i.e. by video call or on the phone. Socially engaged but behaviourally spaced makes it easier to cope, and makes it less likely that people will break the rules.”

Fieldman says there’s still plenty you can do to help friends and family from a distance if they’re struggling during the lockdown.

His tips include scheduling regular calls.

“Schedule in very regular chats, so it’s a standard check-in, and everyone you’re close to has some form of regular contact on a daily basis,” advises Fieldman.

“The default assumption should be that they’re struggling. Regular contact will make both parties feel better, and could even enhance a community feeling.”

He also suggests getting them talking honestly.

“It’s easy for people to just say they’re fine if you ask them how they are – and it’s also easy to accept that without question.

But Fieldman advises: “Repeat the question – say ‘How are you?’ and then ‘How are you really?’ That way you might get a more honest answer.

“If you start revealing your own concerns, then it’s easier for somebody else to talk about theirs. So if you say you’re feeling miserable, they might say ‘Yes, I’m feeling a bit grim too’. Encourage them to speak from the heart.”

Fieldman says it’s a good idea to discuss a film with friends or family members, and then watch it at an agreed time and catch up afterwards to discuss what you made of it – or parts you didn’t understand.

He also suggests laughter can be the best medicine at the moment. “Make it your task for the day to find a joke to share not just by text, which isn’t fantastic for jokes, but by telling it to them on the phone or Zoom,” suggests Fieldman.

He adds the personal touch can also have a massive effect. “Sending a letter is a real commitment to saying something – it has an intensity that an e-mail or text doesn’t have,” says Fieldman. “Everyone enjoys getting a nice letter from their friends or family.”

More generally, he says it is important to be a positive voice.

“We need to invoke optimism,” stresses Fieldman. “All the signs are that the vaccines are a triumph thus far and the roll-out is effective. It’s important to acknowledge the difficulties, and then to identify routes towards more positive attitudes and opportunities. Discuss their plans for a holiday when this is all over – it’s good to have something to look forward to.”

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