Grief is personal and takes time

Often, the lack of answers to these questions adds to the overwhelming feelings of grief and helplessness

Feelings of denial, unreality and numbness are common and these intense emotions are real and a normal part of grieving. Grief is a process of trying to cope with your loss and make meaning out of life without your baby/child.

Grieving is not easy. It is long, unpredictable and requires a lot of patience. Grief is a very personal emotion and everyone will grieve differently and may find that they are unable to provide much support for each other. It can be very helpful to share what you are feeling with someone outside the family such as your doctor or social worker. Some of the physical manifestations of grief can be very hard – nausea, pain in the chest and arms, exhaustion.

The bereaved person may also fear that they are losing their mind. These are all normal parts of the grief process Grief is not something which can be measured in terms of time. The emotions involved can resurface for many years, particularly at anniversaries, birthdays, family celebrations and special landmarks, such as when the child would have started school. Although the acute pain will gradually diminish, the baby/child who died will never be forgotten.

Everyone reacts differently but some of the feelings described by bereaved parents are of numbness, physical pain, difficulty in eating, sleeping or concentrating.

You may imagine that you hear or even see your baby or child and your arms may ache to hold them.You may feel anger, guilt, fear or self-reproach. All these feelings are completely normal. It is difficult to believe that they will ever go away, but in time the pain will lessen. You will never forget your baby/child who will always be part of your family. It helps to talk about your baby or child, to look at photographs and to remember the happy times. Grief may recur at anniversaries and at other times, sometimes for no reason at all. The process of recovery takes longer than many people expect but eventually you will be able to look forward again.It is important to remember that grief takes time.

Be patient, take life one moment, one hour, one day at a time. While you may never “get over” the death of your baby or child, you can learn to live with your loss.