Bring peace and goodwill into the home

Christmas is a very important time of year for children. Aside from the presents and plentiful food, it may be the one time of year when extended family comes together, including grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Whilst it is a very happy time for many families, it can be equally unhappy for couples who have separated and who have children together. Separations can be tinged with acrimony and bad feeling. However, Christmas should be a time of year when those feelings are put to one side and serious consideration given to improving relations for the sake of the children.

Mark Day, head of the family unit at Langleys solicitors, says there are a number of ways to avoid becoming part of one of these unpleasant hearings.

Try to make arrangements well in advance of Christmas. It may be impossible for the children to spend time with both of you on Christmas Day. The Christmas holidays are an extended period and even if both parents are not able for whatever reason to see the children on Christmas Day itself, many separated parents will make alternative arrangements.

Many children have long lists of toys and presents that they hope will be delivered on Christmas morning. Careful planning is required to avoid “doubling up”. It is important to try not to get caught up in a competition about gifts with each parent trying to “outdo” the other. Children can be very tuned in to rifts between their parents and they may try to exploit that to get the gift that they want. This can be noticeable when the earning power of each parent is different and sensible consideration needs to be had by both mum and dad.

When having discussions about arrangements for Christmas, try to do so in an environment where the children will not be present so in the event that there may be a disagreement, they will not be party to it.

Above all, it is important to remember that you have thought enough about each other to bring the children into the world. You should not see yourselves as two “conflicting parties” but rather as parents of children that undoubtedly you will both love dearly. For that reason, at this time of year, if you have not yet been able to extend the olive branch, maybe now is the time to do so.