Expert Answers: How to cope with teen pregnancy

It’s certainly a huge shock to find out that your teenage daughter is pregnant, or your son is about to become a dad.

You may well feel angry or resentful as your plans for your child’s life have taken a sudden and unexpected turn. But this is a time when your teen needs your support the most.

You’ll need the opportunity to adjust too and possibly help to sort out your feelings. What’s most important, though, is to stay calm – and keep talking to your teen.

Norah O’Brien, teenage pregnancy advisor, says that if your child has come to you with this news, it’s important to see it as a positive step. “It means they want your support and help,” she says.

“A young person in that situation doesn’t necessarily have to come and talk to their parents – they can have a confidential conversation about their sexual health and get treatment, even if they’re under 16, without their parent’s consent.”

“Many young people avoid telling their parents because they’re frightened of their reaction,” says Sheila King, National Programme Manager for the Nationwide Community Learning Partnership (NCLP), which runs specialised training courses for teenage mums and dads.

“They often say: ‘My parents will kill me.’ But what they don’t realise is that once their parents have got over the shock, almost all will give their children the help they need. It’s absolutely crucial that parents are as supportive as possible. Young mums and dads-to-be can end up trying to cope in very difficult situations if a rift develops between them and their parents over the pregnancy. They desperately need the support.”

It’s most important for your child to feel that they can confide in someone. “Often, fear of telling anyone means young people don’t admit they’re pregnant until very late,” says Sheila King. “In some cases they are even denying it as they are wheeled into the delivery room. This can lead to all kinds of health problems for the mum and the baby. Young people who are pregnant must confide in a trusted adult, perhaps a GP or a teacher, so they can get the help they need. This person can also help liaise with their parents too.”

For some young people, their decision will be immediate but others may need more time. The FPA recommends that if an abortion is a possibility, your teen should get in touch with an abortion service straightaway, as waiting times vary and can be as long as five weeks.

GET SUPPORT AND ADVICE

Accept that you’ll experience a whole range of emotions and fears. This is completely normal.

Focus on your teen’s needs, not your feelings. Remember, their welfare is the priority.

Talk to someone who isn’t emotionally involved to give you a different perspective. You can call Parentline Plus on 0808 800 2222. You can email your problem at or you can talk to someone online using the Live Chat service (available Mon-Thurs 9am-4.30pm or Fridays 9am-12.30pm). Ensure they receive good medical care, attend all their ante-natal appointments and eat a balanced diet.