Restaurant Review: Pollyanna Cafe, Barnsley

For anyone who isn’t up to speed with their Issey Myake and Dries Van Noten, this is not any old frock shop, but a cutting edge clothes store that prides itself on its austere modernism which to people like me and possibly you, means a collection of uber cool drapey clothes in grey or black.

What has this got to do with food? Only that besides being “one of the leading shops of the world” according to the Victoria and Albert Museum, Pollyanna has for years had a rather smart cafe at the back of the shop and if the racks were full of stuff I wouldn’t have a clue how to wear, let alone pay for, perhaps all that style and cool might rub off on me over lunch.

The last time I ate out in Barnsley, which was many years ago, it had three notable restaurants, Peano’s, Armstrong’s and Le Croque Cafe. The first two are sadly long gone but like the boutique itself, Le Croque Cafe, aka Pollyanna Cafe, is still around and, if the busy lunchtime trade on a recent Tuesday was anything to go by, still going strong.

Decor is much as I remember it: minimalist grey and white dominate. Gun metal grey chairs were largely taken by Barnsley ladies who lunch, even some brave enough to dress in fuchsia. Tables were topped with white paper cloths. Only the conservatory looked a bit less pristine: a bit of scuffed paintwork, a skylight due a hose-down and a distracting wall-mounted flat screen TV with rolling BBC news.

Their Facebook page bigs-up the monthly dinner-nights by French chef Pierre. But the triple-fold laminated menu offered little more exciting than the likes of scrambled egg and bacon, jacket potatoes, salads, sandwiches, wraps and paninis. Where were the hot croissants stuffed with smoked ham, the deep filled quiches, the choice of salads and the chocolate truffle cake of yesteryear? And where please were the cool dudes, the black T-shirted young waiters who used to flit around in long white aprons? With more Barnsley charm than Gallic, our waitress pointed to a more enticing blackboard: soup, croque monsieur, chicken and avocado salad, smoked venison platter, chicken casserole, beef chilli, and seabass fillet with noodles and stir fry veg.

Four thin slices of smoked venison lifted from packet to plate hardly counts as a platter in my book, even if you do add toast and salad leaves. Only the sweet onion relish redeemed an underwhelming plate.

Well, a French chef couldn’t go wrong with Croque Monsieur – could he? – even if the classic version was made famous by Harry’s Bar in Venice with a recipe of grated Gruyere, egg yolk, Worcester sauce, mustard and ham, spread between slices of good white bread, fried until golden, cut into fingers then served in a paper napkin.

Ours was no such designer effort but off the peg, a dispiriting, leathery ham and cheese toastie. Non, merci.

Happily, it all looked up thereafter. A beef casserole replacing the chilli on the menu was no hardship because it was delicious. Soft and tender with rich, warm, juicy chunks of beef, cooked slowly with carrots to a sticky, melting lusciousness. Our other main was a success too: an accurately cooked seabass fillet on top of some mildly spiced stir fry of vegetables and egg noodles. The blackboard of puddings looked delicious if disheartening for size 10 aspirants: white chocolate cheesecake, chocolate and whisky cake, orange cake, chocolate mousse and pear cake. But it was going to be pudding or parking fine, so we had a generous square of that cheesecake put into a takeaway bag just as Rita herself breezed past in a beanie hat, chatting up the customers, grabbing an espresso and declaring that Pollyanna’s was the third leg of a cultural triangle consisting of the Yorkshire Sculpture Park and the Hepworth at Wakefield.

Fair point – and let it be said that for anyone potentially intimidated by all those designer names and prices (dresses £200-£500-plus) the whole experience was relaxed and welcoming – though I do wonder what my grandad, a Barnsley miner, would have made of the necklaces in the jewellery cabinet made from old miners’ brass pit checks.

Taking up Rita’s cultural itinerary, we scoffed that excellent cheesecake as the sun went down at the Sculpture Park, overlooking a monumental Henry Moore. Checking our bill, the most famously expensive boutique in Yorkshire had given it away for a laughable £2. On balance, we felt fine about our lunch which came in at a modest £43.60 including a large glass of Chardonnay.

I mourn the passing of the old counter bursting with goodies but if we’d foregone the starters and had desserts instead, there’d be little amiss at this endearing Yorkshire institution.

Polyanna Cafe, 14-16 Market Hill, Barnsley S70 2QE. 01226 291665. www.pollyanna.com

Open: Mon-Sat 9am-6.30pm (5.30pm Mon and Sat). Sun noon-4pm.

Price: Three-course meal for two include bottle wine, coffee and service £65.