Watch out for financial red flags in dating game: Sarah Coles

The most unforgivable financial flaws were discovering that your potential new partner doesn’t expect to work and finding out they have a lot of debt – both chosen by a sixth of people. This was followed by realising they were bad with money generally – selected by one in 12.

Older people were more likely to be put off by debt – one in five of those aged 55 and over said it would be the biggest problem. By this age, most people have an idea of what it’s like to live with someone else’s money worries, and plenty are unwilling to take it on. In addition, the older you are, the more you’re likely to have to lose, and less time you have to make it up if your finances are damaged by a financially unreliable partner.

Higher earners are less worried about these things. Interestingly, they’re also twice as likely to be concerned about signs of what they might consider to be penny pinching – like if their date didn’t offer to pay, or if they used a voucher. Overall, only one in 20 are bothered by these things, but higher rate taxpayers are more likely to judge. This may be because they’re worried someone is after their money, or because they’re concerned their future partner could eventually curb their own spending.

However, all this assumes that you can tell from the outset that someone has money problems, when in reality an awful lot of people will keep quiet about it in the early days. It can be difficult to admit you’re struggling with money, and it can feel rude to ask. However, if everyone is polite for too long, by the time it comes up, it may be too late.

It means you need to tackle this early on. Even if it’s not the first date, you need to know where you stand before you commit. It can help to start with the easy questions, like whether they’re a spender or a saver, or what they dream of achieving with their money. However, if this doesn’t open a wider conversation, you may need to grasp the nettle, and be clear that you need to know about any financial issues. If they open up, try not to rush to judgment. You may not feel this is something you can live with, or you may decide you can work through it. Either way, you need time to consider what it means for you.

If it’s too late, and you have already committed to someone with debts, or other financial headaches, you need to consider your role. You might want to help them through the problem, or you may need to leave them to solve it themselves. In either case, it makes sense to protect your own finances from the worst impacts of being with someone who is bad with money.

You need to find out whether they are prepared to tackle their financial problems – even if it means tough decisions and difficult compromises. If it’s linked to a wider issue – like depression or addiction – it’s not going to be an overnight solution, so they need to be committed. You also need to think hard about whether you’re willing to make the compromises you need to while they get back on top of their finances. And sadly, you need to plan for what you’ll do if they fall back into bad habits.

This is important when you’re dating someone with financial problems, but it’s even more key when you move in with them. At this point you need to make two decisions. Consider whether you could cope financially for a while if they were unable to pay their way. Then decide whether this is something you could live with. They’re two very separate decisions: just because you can manage, it doesn’t mean you should have to.

If you take the plunge, and move in with someone with money issues, then it’s worth considering how to protect yourself from things like missed bills. One option is to set up direct debits from a joint account that you both pay into on payday. That way the bills are the first thing paid out each month, before your partner has time to spend. The proviso is that if payday just brings their current account back to zero – or less – you need to be able to ensure there’s always enough money in the account to cover the bills.

If you set up a joint account, there’s an additional risk to be aware of, because it will link your credit records. It means if your partner makes financial mistakes and runs up debts or misses payments, it could affect your ability to borrow. If you are moving in with someone who has a history of credit problems, think carefully before taking out any products that will link you. While joint accounts for bills can make life easier in general, if one of you has a terrible credit record, you may be better setting up direct debits to come out of your account – and take a single payment from your partner at the start of the month.

You should beware of joint credit cards too. In fact, there’s no such thing as a joint card, so if you both have a card on the same account, one of you will have an account and the other will have a second card on it. Whoever’s name is on the account is responsible for the entire bill, so if your partner has had financial issues, these are best avoided.

If you plan to get married, it’s also worth thinking about a prenuptial agreement. These aren’t legally binding, but as long as you both get independent legal advice, and explain why you want to divide the debts this way, they will be considered by a divorce court. You will still be responsible for any joint debts, but you can lay out how you want to deal with pre-existing debts or debts they run up in their own name. It’s not always easy to bring up the idea, but if they have financial flaws, you will have had to face more than your fair share of difficult conversations, so it’s worth tackling one more in order to protect yourself.

Don’t get comfortable approaching retirement

According to the latest data from the HL Savings and Resilience Barometer only 30% of high earners are on track for a comfortable retirement. If you’ve been used to having plenty of money during your working life, then you could face a nasty surprise.

Even when you look at the percentage of high earning households on track for moderate retirement income, only around seven in ten will hit this target. Given that this is pegged at £23,300 per year for a single person and £34,000 for a couple, it could mean higher earners have some tough cuts on the cards.

Keeping track of how your pension planning is progressing is vital. You need to think about what you want from retirement and put a plan in place to help you get there. There are lots of calculators online that can help you model whether you’re on track, and what you need to do to catch up.