Male victim of domestic abuse shares harrowing experience in bid to get others across Yorkshire to speak out

After a whirlwind romance, Ben soon had Alan in the clutches of his control with mental and physical torture.

Adam has now bravely spoken of his experience for the first time to The Yorkshire Post to raise awareness of male domestic abuse and to encourage more victims to come forward.

"I met Ben through a mutual friend and we just hit it off straight away," Alan, 35 said.

"Within a day or two of meeting him I thought he was the one, I even left my wife for him, although our relationship had been more on a friendship level for over a year," he said.

"I didn't return home and stayed with Ben. It was the first time in my life I had felt wanted in a long time. He paid attention to me and I was attracted to him and in the first few weeks it was all really flattering with him."

Things soon started to go wrong when Ben would take exception to Alan talking to his friends.

"He would get all moody if he thought I was talking to them more than I was him which was ludicrous," he said.

"It then kind of spiralled from there. I would have to send him my Whats App location when I was leaving work to make the 10 minute journey home so he knew where I was.

"He would hurl abuse at me if I didn't buy him something he wanted. He would say he wanted to find a guy who would look after him. It was just constant all the time.

"We would go to a restaurant and he would order the most expensive thing."

By this time, Alan had already started another job working as a manager of a community centre. He admits he stole money from the company he worked for in order to fund Ben's lavish lifestyle.

"What I did was really selfish and I had succumbed to his demands," he said.

It was a trip to the doctors with Ben when Alan realised he had become a victim of domestic abuse.

"I was looking at a poster about domestic violence and everything on it applied to me and the way Ben was treating me," Alan said.

"But I kept thinking it was going to get better, despite him making me feel like I was losing control of my life.

"I was afraid that if I ever left him he would hunt me down and kill me."

The relationship finally came to a head on a holiday to Spain in September for Alan's birthday.

On the final night of the holiday after an argument, Ben physically attacked Alan by putting his hands around his neck and punching him in the face.

"He pinned me against the wall and started strangling me," Alan said.

"The only way I could get him off me was to push him against the door and just run.

"He followed me, hurling abuse at me, before punching me on the side of my head.

"It was during the attack that I realised what he was doing wasn't acceptable."

When Alan arrived back in the UK, he made the brave decision to call a domestic abuse support line, but was shocked by the response he got.

He said: "When I told them what had happened to me they said they couldn't help me because I was a man.

"They gave me another number to call but the service wasn't open until 9am. I was in shock."

Alan was eventually signposted to the Bradford Cyrenians who are helping him to get his life back on track.

But, just a couple of weeks ago, it all got too much for him and he attempted to take his own life, ending up in hospital.

"It just all got too much for me and I couldn't see another way out," Alan said.

"But the support from the staff at Bradford Cyrenians is helping me through.

"They don't judge me and if it hadn't been for them I don't think I would be here now.

"They go above and beyond what people expect and they have saved my life.

Alan made the brave decision to speak to The Yorkshire Post to raise awareness of domestic abuse and violence towards men.

"My first experience of calling a domestic abuse helpline shows that this is a societal issue that needs to change," he said.

"There is uproar when a man hits a woman but no one bats an eyelid if it's the other way around or if a man huts another man.

"There must be so many other male victims out there who haven't come forward, I think there is a stigma attached to the older generation.

"I have spoken out to take back control of my life but to also raise awareness to others. More men should come forward to get better services. It's not acceptable to control someone else."