Expert Answers: The ‘change’ has come too soon

The menopause is sometimes known as the “change of life” and is marked by the ending of menstruation (when a woman’s periods stop).

A woman’s periods do not usually stop suddenly. They generally become less frequent, the odd period is missed and then they stop altogether.

In the UK, the average age for a woman to reach the menopause is 52.

A woman is said to have reached the menopause once she has not had a period for one year. After this point, she can be described as post-menopausal.

If the menopause occurs in a woman who is under 45 years of age, it is known as premature menopause.

It is estimated that premature menopause affects one per cent of women under the age of 40 and 0.1 per cent of women under the age of 30.

Most women reach the menopause without seeking medical advice. However, treatments are available that can ease menopausal symptoms that are severe or distressing

There is an expectation for women between 45-55 to go through the menopause, and at last it is being spoken about publicly, but it still remains a taboo subject for many women and their partners.

If a women doesn’t go through the menopause in this “normal” time frame then she can often become fed up, tired and agitated, feeling odd.

Many menopausal women experience a loss of sexual desire and this can be the result of multi-hormonal problems related to oestrogen as well as androgens.

This combination of oestrogen deficiency can obliterate sexual satisfaction and cause the woman to feel she is no longer sexually attractive.

These days, most women can expect one third of their life to be post-menopausal.

So it is essential for them to be able to explore attitudes and their own beliefs regarding menopause if they are to enjoy a full, healthy and respectful relationship. The idea that the menopause signals the end of women’s sexually active years is losing ground.

The notion of sex as a purely procreative activity has all but disappeared from society but many women can still feel that sex is primarily about procreation and the idea of indulging in a purely recreational sex life is alien to them.

Some men may feel that the menopause is “women’s business” and that there is no need for them to be informed or even involved. This is insensitive and can isolate both partners.

Paul Charlson

GP from Brough

THE menopause is a natural part of every woman’s life cycle, and each woman’s experience will be different. Some may cruise through it with few problems; others have intolerable symptoms. Managing your symptoms and understanding what is happening to your body will help you during what is, understandably a challenging time. Talk to your GP or ring your nearest Family Planning Clinic to see if they also have a menopausal clinic or well woman clinic. There are, also, some very good web sites which can offer practical advice, support and resources, for example: www.menopausematters.co.uk and also www.earlymenopause.com. Talking to your husband about what’s happening for you is important too. It gives him the chance to be supportive and helps him feel less excluded and powerless. I hope that you get the support and information you need and feel better soon.

Elaine Douglas

A chartered psychologist who specialises in family and child relationships

WHEN a woman starts to go through the menopause it can have a massive psychological impact on how they feel about themselves. Even if you have children the knowledge that your fertility is diminishing can make a woman feel in essence less “womanly”. Their childbearing days are almost over, and for some this creates a sense of loss. These feelings can be even more pronounced if a woman is childless. Maybe this is easier to deal with in your 40 or 50s, but I suspect is harder when you are in your 30s. If a woman feels less desirable because of this process then it can affect their attitude to sex, and this may be what is happening to you. So perhaps you need to try and change the way that you are perceiving all of this. If you can identify some of the positives in what is happening, it might make the transition easier for you. Rather than viewing it as the demise of something, try and see it as a process that can be very liberating. Very soon you won’t need to think about contraception, all the paraphernalia you need for your monthly cycle will be redundant and you won’t have to face the hassle of the wild swings with your hormones.

Cary Cooper

Professor of Organisational Psychology and Health at Lancaster University

I HAVE no particular medical expertise here, but I think you need to discuss this with your husband, to get it out in the open. If you and your husband find it difficult to discuss this, for whatever reason, then you should consider getting some professional help to sort it out, either through a counsellor or clinical psychologist or Relate. It may be that once you can freely talk about it, that you might discover that your husband’s attitude or behaviour is not a result of your early menopause, but because you are behaving differently toward him in a variety of ways, including sexually, due to your loss of self-confidence. It is what people don’t say to one another that can be the source of the problem in many circumstances. Try to open this topic up, or get some professional help to do so. I am sure that it will resolve itself once you surface the issue.

Dr Carol Burniston

Consultant Clinical Child Psychologist

THIS must be a difficulty you had not anticipated dealing with as at your age, menopause is unusual, in fact it is thought to occur in only one per cent of women under 40. Most women reach their early 50s before they have to cope with this situation. I understand that this must have come as a shock to you and it will take some time to adjust psychologically as well as deal with the physical consequences of “the change”. There are medications which can help alleviate any symptoms you are currently experiencing and you can discuss these with your GP. Many women experience a reduction in their libido at menopause, but this normally returns when your body settles down. If you experience vaginal dryness, lubricants are readily available from the pharmacy. Some women find that their sexual desire increases after menopause when any concerns about pregnancy are alleviated. You don’t mention whether you have had or intended to have a family, as early menopause will probably end any hopes you had of doing so. If this is the case, your doctor can refer you and your partner if necessary, to a counsellor.

IT’S NOT THE END OF YOUR SEX LIFE

FOR some women the menopause brings with it a sense of sexual liberation, not having to concern themselves with unwanted pregnacy, or worries about when they can have sex due to menstruation. More than 50 per cent of menopausal women report no decrease in desire at all in sexual desire, and fewer than 20 per cent report a significant decrease. It is important for women and their partners to remember that menopause is natural and normal.

Visit www.relate.org.uk for help with relationships or you can obtain more information from www.nhs.uk/conditions/menopause.