Expert Answers: Fears over son’s internet addiction

IF you have a teenager and an internet accessible computer, chances are your teenager is spending time in some sort of on-line chat room.

These chat rooms allow your children to meet new friends without leaving home. Your teenager can be as truthful as he wants to be when online. It is easier to be someone else while on-line because there is no face-to-face contact, thus making it very anonymous.

This is why it is easy for your teen to become addicted to on-line chat rooms. Not only are they making friends from all over the world but they can also be more outgoing while chatting.

Some warning signs that your teenager may be addicted to the internet can include any of the following symptoms or behaviours:

* Your teenager is preoccupied with the internet.

* He is always on the internet in some type of chat room. It’s the last thing he does before leaving for school and the first thing he does when he arrives back home.

* Your teenager talks more about internet friends and chat rooms than he does about friends from school or the neighbourhood.

* One or two hours a day in chat rooms is not sufficient for him and he gets upset if you tell him to cut down on his internet usage.

* Your teenager gets more satisfaction from being on the internet and in chat rooms than he does with the other things in life.

* taying on-line longer than usual is also a major sign of an addiction. If you have time limits, this is easy to monitor. If you do not have time limits and think that your teenager may have a chat room addiction then you should set a time limit. Monitor how long he is on the internet and if he is upset that he had to get off before he may have finished chatting.

* f you find your teenager lying more and more to you, or other family members, then your teenager may be trying to cover up an addiction to chat rooms. This is true if they also lie to friends about being able to go out.

If you feel your teenager may be using chat rooms to escape other problems he has in his life you may be right in thinking that he has developed an addiction.

This could be anything from a fight with friends or other school problems. It’s not so bad to escape every once in a while but when it becomes a habit and you don’t see your child trying to overcome the problem then you may be looking at an addiction.

If your teenager is addicted to chat rooms there are books to help overcome the addiction and counselling is available for some of the more extreme cases.

Paul Charlson

GP from Brough

There is a difference between someone who spends a lot of time on the internet but socialises in real life to someone who never actually socialises in real life. If your son does not socialise at all I would have some concerns. I would suggest that you discuss it with him initially to see what his reaction is. Try to encourage him to interact more. My other concern is that he is interacting with the wrong type of people on the internet. Unless there is evidence which leads to real concern I do not believe you should take a look at what your son is viewing on the net.

I would concentrate on encouraging your son to interact more, what about inviting him to have a few friends round for a barbecue or party? or if he has hobby which involves other people try and encourage this. In the end it is up to you to judge the level of concern and act accordingly. Consider other reasons for your son not socialising such as depression, Asperger Syndrome or bullying, it is probably none of these but if you are concerned ask for a professional opinion.

Elaine Douglas

A chartered psychologist who specialises in family and child relationships

This social networking and internet phenomenon is really interesting. At one level it is amazing that you can be in touch with people in far flung places with very little effort. However, at another level I fear that we are living in a virtual world where we talk with others via a machine – interact with it and yet don’t have the joy of meeting people face to face. Your son is a product of this new technology. He will have been brought up with PCs, and so to him this is the norm. I don’t think that he is alone. Times have changed so radically that it is difficult for parents to understand the attraction of sitting in a room talking to friends who probably live round the corner. It is a sign of the times and I suspect something that isn’t going to go away. I would try not to worry too much. He is still very young and when the time comes – believe me – he won’t want to be in his room by himself talking to a girl who has caught his attention, he will want to be there with here in person. If he is still glued to his PC when he is in his 20s, not going out and being in company then I would be concerned. For the time being I would try and relax. I think it will all come together in good time.

Cary Cooper

Professor of Organisational Psychology and Health at Lancaster University

We are all anxious parents, so don’t worry about that. Teenagers do spend a lot of time online, so that is not unusual, but it could be a coping strategy if he finds it difficult to form relationships with children of his own age.

You need to find out if that is a problem for him. One way of getting close to him to have these kinds of discussions is to be interested in his social networking, by trying to find out more about Facebook or whatever he uses, and from him. Indeed, you may find out that he has loads of friends online that he communicates with.

As far as girl friends are concerned, it will come in due course but to confront that head-on may create more problems than it is worth. It is about getting closer to your son by enjoining his interests that might be a window into what he is thinking and feeling about a range of issues eg girls, school friends, his future and the like.

Fiona Caine

Agony AUNT

To be honest, he sounds fairly typical to me. However, that doesn’t make it right as I tend to agree with you that meeting real people is a lot healthier. I would prefer to see young people getting out and about and doing positive, active things. I’d like to think this would keep them fitter as well as better socialised, but your son may lack confidence.

As this is World Wide Web Week, it’s worth mentioning one particular site that has a lot to offer young people. The Site (go to www.thesite.org) is not a formal counselling service but it provides emotional support and practical advice for 16 to 25-year-olds. If you could steer your son towards it he might start looking at issues that worry him and which are perhaps holding him back.

The Site covers topics ranging from self-harm to homework, through informative articles and online communities. There is also a professional, anonymous question and answering service called askTheSite which he might feel inclined to use. In most cases young people do grow out of this phase and start to interact with others, especially once they start higher education or work.

WAYS OF HELPING INTERNET TEENS

In a survey of 17,000 teenagers, six per cent meet the standards for being addicted. The teenagers said that they use the internet and specifically chat rooms as a way to escape negative feelings. Students are most susceptible to becoming addicted because of their stresses and as a teenager all the other life problems that they can have. This can become alarming to parents as they try to raise their teenagers. Making sure you monitor your teenagers on-line no matter what they do will help prevent addictions from becoming a problem.

Visit www.familylives.org.uk for more information and help.