Jayne Dowle: Home truths on ending the scourge of loneliness

However you define it, loneliness is an issue which crosses boundaries of age, gender, class and location. Only the other week, a study found that one in ten children aged under five felt that they were “lonely” and unhappy with their social relationships. It comes to something when the youngest members of our society articulate such feelings of sadness and isolation.

Perhaps more worrying is the evidence that even as they begin to grow up, children are not learning the necessary interaction skills to form meaningful relationships. Four out of five adolescents questioned admitted to still having similar issues, with almost one third describing their situation as “persistent and painful”.

The charity Action for Children, which conducted the research, says that there are clear links between loneliness in young people, poor mental and physical health and lower academic achievement. We need more serious reports like this, which support the aims of this newspaper’s own campaign to tackle loneliness in our region.

Some people need other people around them, others don’t. My own daughter, who is 12, says she is lonely when she finds herself with two or three hours unexpectedly to spare. Most of the time she is surrounded by her friends and family or engaged in one of her several consuming hobbies. If she has nothing to do, she feels bereft. She’s a sociable child, and craves people in her physical presence. The dog does his best, but he’s no substitute for a person beside her on the sofa watching a film.

It’s all relative, I suppose. In stark contrast, my 15-year-old son spends hours and hours in his room alone. At first glance you might think he must be terribly lonely, until you hear him laughing and shouting at his television screen. He’s talking to his friends as they play games online, exchanging messages on social media at the same time. And usually, listening to music. His desk looks like the helm of the Starship Enterprise, there are so many consoles and lights.

I’ve stopped trying to persuade him to go out. He’d rather socialise from the comfort of his bedroom. It’s the modern way. I keep telling people this, the ones who tut and shake their heads when they realise that he isn’t out climbing trees in the wood after school.

It doesn’t matter how we interact with people or how much, as long as it feels right for us. Of course, it’s up to parents to show some kind of example and moral guidance, and set boundaries if we think it’s necessary. I’m the first to admit that we mothers and fathers are already juggling plenty of balls. But showing our children how to develop fulfilling relationships is one responsibility we can’t duck out of. It sets them up for life.

Much of the loneliness we see around us could be alleviated if every generation was encouraged to look out for others. Yet, I’m constantly astounded by the shuttered lives I see around me.

Just walk down any street. So many people set out to isolate themselves from their neighbours, planting huge trees to set a physical barrier in place and generally behave with selfish disregard for those who live next door.

What kind of example does this set to young people? That the world beyond their own front door must be feared and approached with caution? Loneliness is the flipside of fear.

And now, the Government is taking the matter of loneliness so seriously that Prime Minster Theresa May has appointed a “loneliness Minister”. The job has gone to Tracey Crouch, MP for Chatham and Ayleford, who already heads the portfolio for sport and “civil society”.

It will be her responsibility to develop a cross-Government strategy on loneliness in England. This will encompass local authorities, public services, the voluntary sector and businesses. Its stated aim is to tackle loneliness and “build more integrated and resilient communities”. Excuse me for being cynical, but I’d say that the Government should first of all hold its hands up and take some of the blame.

Our society hasn’t fractured itself; there have been far too many divisive government policies put in place in recent years, and a consistent “me-first” attitude which has done nothing to create cohesive communities. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that the very opposite has been achieved. This has not been helped by disastrous cuts to the very public services and voluntary organisations which existed to offer support and help to those who required it.

That said, we do need this new level of serious commitment from politicians. More importantly, however, we also need to all think about loneliness – in all its forms – and how we can help to alleviate it around us. And this, I’m afraid, must begin at home.