Late arrivals well worth waiting for

The old adage “life begins at 40” is ringing true for a growing number of women, but not for reasons usually associated with middle age.

According to official figures we are experiencing the biggest baby boom since 1964. Rising fertility rates among women over the age of 40 are contributing to a record number of babies being born. Figures from the Office for National Statistics show that in a single year, conception rates for women in this age group rose by 5.2 per cent.

And as the boundaries of middle age shift, becoming a first-time mum in your 40s is now much more common place. But what is it like to start a family in your 40s?

Dawn Morris, 44, from Ilkley, says she was very surprised to find herself pregnant at 42.

“I was gobsmacked,” she says. “I didn’t meet my partner, who’s quite a bit younger than me until I was 41 and it really didn’t occur to me that I could become pregnant. I thought I was going in to the menopause.”

But she says there are plenty of advantages in waiting until your 40s to start a family, including greater security and wisdom.

“I think I have more patience, and I also appreciate and make quality time to spend with my daughter,” says Dawn. “I loved my job as a registered nurse before I had Lilly and didn’t think twice about working overtime. Since having Lilly, although I enjoy my two days at work, at the back of my mind I’m wondering if I’m missing an important milestone in Lilly’s life. I no longer do overtime. As soon as my shift is over I’m off like a shot I can’t wait to see Lilly and hear what sort of day she’s had.”

For Diane Carlita, a university lecturer who lives in Leeds, waiting until her 40s to start a family has brought only good things.

“I always wanted to have children, but always in a few more years. I never felt a burning desire to have them right away. So I kept putting it off and putting it off, and then I hit my late 30s and I had to decide whether to get married and probably have children, or remain single and probably childless. I took the plunge and got married at 38. I had Elif, now two and a half, at 41, and Sema, now five months, when I was 43. I’m so glad I waited this long. First of all, I’m advanced in my career and have a lot of financial stability, so we can afford childcare and everything else that comes with having children. Most of my friends already have children, so I’ve been able to learn from their experiences and draw on their advice. But mostly, I feel much more relaxed in my 40s than I was in my 20s.”

She believes she is a better mum now than she would have been 20 years ago.

“I would have been less patient. In the end I would have resented missing out on the good things about youth; travel, going out at night and feeling free to work in the evenings or weekends if I wanted to.”

Leeds-born life coach, Jessica Chivers, who has written a book about juggling work and motherhood, believes that women who start a family in their late 30s or 40s are more likely to be able to return to work on their terms.

“The chances are you have established yourself in your chosen field and there is a feeling that you will be able to return to what you were doing without much complication because you are seen as an asset to your organisation.”

But she warns that older women, who have been out at work all day, may struggle to find a good support network when they become a new mum. “They have spent so long in a work environment that suddenly being at home with a child is really quite scary. It can be quite unfulfilling being a mother to a new-born baby. I think women need more support.”

Not all women make the choice to wait until they turn 40 before starting a family. For plenty of women, the road to motherhood is a rocky path, strewn with setbacks.

Alison Darlow, 41, from Leeds, gave birth to her daughter, Beth, following IVF treatment.

“I started trying for a baby when I was 37 and I had two miscarriages and then I had an ectopic pregnancy when I was 38,” she explains.

“We were really lucky because the IVF worked the first time. I got pregnant at 39 and was 40 when I had Beth.”

She says having a baby later in life means she has already done a lot of the things she had hoped to do.

“Having worked full-time for 20 years, it’s nice to take that step back for a while and now I work part time.”

But she has had to come to terms with only having one child and says if she was younger, she would definitely try for another one.

“I’ve got to be grateful for what I’ve got really.”

Dr Rachel Andrew, a chartered clinical psychologist who works with families, believes it is the often difficult journey to motherhood which causes issues for older mums.

“There might be difficulties arising because their child is so very precious to them. They might have had fertility difficulties so for those reasons rather than just age alone, it might be that older mums might be a bit more anxious or more over-protective of their children or they might feel a bit more excluded from certain groups if they feel it’s full of much younger mums.”

Alison says she often feels very tired, but would probably be just as tired if she was younger because she is on the go all the time.

“Beth is 18 months old and is quite big for her age and so physically I am tired from the lifting up. And if you have a few niggles I think you feel it more.”

Adds Diane: “Carrying children up and down the stairs can be hard on my ageing back and knees! I’m tired a lot of the time, but then so are all of my friends who are mums. I sometimes worry about what it will be like for my daughters having an ‘elderly’ mum when they’re only still teenagers, but I’m quite fit and healthy now and planning to stay that way for as long as possible!”

Minimising risks of late motherhood

How older women can reduce the chances of complications in pregnancy

Take folic acid before conceiving

Begin pregnancy at a healthy weight, not too heavy or thin

Don’t drink alcohol

Don’t eat undercooked meat or change a cat’s litter box.

The risks associated with pregnancy in women over the age of 35 include:

Gestational diabetes. Studies suggest that women over 35 are nearly twice as likely as younger women to develop diabetes during pregnancy.

High blood pressure

Premature birth.

Famous woman who have given birth in their 40s include actress Emma Thompson, who had a baby aged 40, actress Jane Seymour had twins at the age of 44, Former PM’s wife Cherie Blair had a baby at 45, actress Susan Sarandon, was 46 when she gave birth.

Diane Carlita will be featured in Channel 4’s One Born Every Minute tonight, 9pm, along with her birth doula, Lesley Hilton.