Bernard Ingham: Dial F for fury... why these cold callers make my blood boil

It is welcome evidence that consumers – all 63 million of us – are not the forgotten people of this general election. Well, not entirely forgotten.

I have lost count of the number of inquiries into the energy industries, which are supposed to be regulated, for allegedly rooking us. I am well aware that the umpteen regulators of the City and financial services are looking into claims that we are being fleeced left, right and centre in buying financial products.

None of this has yet stopped gas and power companies ringing me up trying to get me to change my supplier – as if I would on their say-so over the phone. Nor has there been a noticeable reduction in the number of calls, usually at mealtimes, telling me I have not yet lodged a claim over my unwanted (and non-existent) payment protection insurance or pursued compensation for an accident I never had last year.

My peace is also often interrupted by calls – I suspect from Bangalore – seeking my views, by now unprintable, on various commercial issues.

I have reached the stage where I reckon the telephone companies are making excess profits out of nuisance calls and that energy and financial products 
could be a bit cheaper if only their damned providers would get off my telephone.

Incidentally, I think it is a bit of a hoot when any political party sets the watchdogs on energy prices when their very own idiotic “Green” policies – wind, solar etc – are grossly inflating our fuel bills to no purpose. They – Tory, Labour and Liberal Democrat – have just compounded the felony with a joint pledge to pursue global warming, assuming it exists, to the death.

A pox on all pious, politically-correct politicians.

As further evidence that we consumers are not quite forgotten, I am also aware that the supermarkets are skinning each other and putting dairy farmers out of business in pursuit of our custom.

After all that whingeing, I feel so 
much better. This column is very therapeutic.

But that is not all. The consumer comes in all shapes, sizes and ailments and it is testament to the wonderfully passive nature of the average Brit that they are so tolerant of an abuse no political party is likely to tackle.

I refer to the problem, especially 
if you are old and often stranded like me on a technological shore, of getting promptly in touch to report a fault, a complaint, seek a remedy under insurance or get a message to 
the doctor.

I am fed up with trying to work out which blessed button to press to avail myself of the right “consultant” – these people do give themselves airs – and being regaled at my expense with 
sweet music while one becomes
available.

I recently had a run-in with a supplier when I tried to report a telephone fault for a 97-year-old neighbour who could not hear what I was saying.

I then discovered they only took receipt of faults on my line, not on someone else’s. In fact, they tested my neighbour’s line and pronounced it okay and wished to know if I wanted to call out an engineer at a cost of £129.

The nation is desperate, we are told, to keep old folk living in their own homes and not hospital beds while simultaneously cutting them off 
from the outside world as they give up in despair over the complications of 
button pushing, waiting for a response even when set to music and then their inability to hear or understand the voice at the other end.

This is not to mention the mysteries of getting in touch with agencies by computer.

The world – commercial and public sectors alike – seems to assume that every Briton is as hard–wired as the average teenager into communications technology.

The result is a massive conflict of interest between the need for trouble-free access to services by ageing and uninitiated consumers and the determination by suppliers to secure economy in the use of staff.

This pours money into the telephone companies while potentially putting the vulnerable at greater risk.

It is a measure of what is wrong with our society that I do not expect this to be an election issue.

All may not be lost – yet – but shall I live to see us saved?