Gervase Phinn: Opening bat for Yorkshire

There has been an exciting discovery in Yorkshire recently. A rare species of bat, the Alcathoe's bat, which is smaller than the size of £2 coin, has been found in caves in the North York Moors. It was thought that such tiny creatures were too small to manage the journey across the Channel but here they are and settled in Yorkshire.
By The Newsroom
Published 22nd Jun 2010, 13:56 BST
Updated 22nd Jun 2010, 13:57 BST

Now I like bats. They flutter about my garden at night like scraps of black cloth before returning to the church tower where they live, but others do not share my fascination for these unusual and attractive little creatures.

One April 1, I visited a primary school where the teacher informed me that her class had played an April Fool joke on her the year before, leaving a very large and realistic toy spider on her chair. She had not been amused and told them in no uncertain terms that should they try this on again they would be in deep trouble.

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The lesson started off well and without incident but when the teacher went in her storeroom to get a book, things went downhill. She emerged carrying a little toy bat, black with rubbery wings and a furry body – the sort bought in joke shops at Hallowe'en.

She held the toy between her finger and thumb. "Now this is very silly, children," she said. "Firstly, you know I don't allow anyone in my storeroom; secondly, you all know I don't like creepy crawlies and, thirdly, you know I warned you about playing tricks. I don't find it at all funny and I'm sure that Mr Phinn, the school inspector, is not very impressed with this kind of behaviour, are you Mr Phinn?"

What could I say but, "No, I'm not."

"Now", continued the teacher, "who does this toy bat belong to?"

The question was greeted with complete silence and blank stares. "Come along, whose is it?"

Still there was no response.

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"Well, if the person who had brought it to school doesn't own up, then I shall put it in the waste paper basket and it will stay there."

Just as she was about to deposit the toy in the basket, the thing she held moved. It was a real bat. No doubt it had found its way into the storeroom through a skylight. The little creature turned its head and squeaked. The teacher went rigid. The children stared dumbstruck.

I could see by the teacher's expression that she was having some difficulty in maintaining a measure of perpendicularity, so, dropping my notebook and picking up the blackboard duster, I rushed to her assistance. Taking the small trembling creature from her, I cradled it in the soft material. Miss Graham remained frozen to the spot.

I took the find to the school office where, holding the creature which was buried in the duster in front of me, I asked the secretary for a box in which to deposit a bat.

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"You will not catch me out like that, Mr Phinn," she said smiling. "April Fool's Day and all that."

When the creature poked its little furry head out of the duster, the secretary shrieked and ran from the office passing the headteacher on her way out.

"She has been rather worried about the Ofsted inspection", the headteacher told me, "but I little realised she would take it so badly."

YP MAG 26/6/10

Related topics:YorkshireOfsted