Ian McMillan shares his thoughts on Yorkshire Day

Happy Yorkshire Day Eve Eve, everybody! As we all know, the first of August is Yorkshire Day and so let me be the first to get my greetings in before the big celebrations begin. Of course, in the same way that the day before Christmas Eve is a time of waiting and growing excitement and also a time to start getting your Christmas Day jobs done, so today is a great time to begin your Yorkshire Day work.

Firstly, mix your giant Yorkshire puddings now to give them time to settle. If you haven’t got a big enough bowl, then why not whip up the batter in the old tin bath you’ve no doubt got hanging on the back of the door because you like to show how Yorkshire you are, even if you’ve moved away.

People often ask me, as a Professional Yorkshireman, about my view of the Yorkshire diaspora celebrating Yorkshire Day in, say, Essex or Scotland. Does being outside The Land of the White Rose mean that you can’t take part in the jollities because you’ll be the only one on your street doing so? My answer, of course, is do it all the more! Be like that person who not only covers their house in Christmas tree lights but leaves them on all year! Get that tannoy turned up to the max and pump Ilkley Moor Baht ’at at them from 6am. Let me tell you, that’ll endear you to the people of Bexhill-on-Sea or Frome.

Next, let’s tackle the thorny issue of the flat cap: worn all day or just for the morning? This might seem like a ridiculous question but the fact is that if you wear your flat cap all day you run the risk of having an Equator-style ring around your head when you take it off. Again, speaking as a Professional Yorkshireman, I would say “Jam it on as tight as you can and leave it on as long as you can!” Wear that line around your head for the following week with pride. NB: always have baby oil and a crowbar handy to lever the flat cap off again; we don’t want to be bothering A&E at this busy time.

There are other sartorial questions that need to be thought about now, of course, at this distance from the big day. Muffler or not? Clogs or not? Necklace made from slices of stale parkin or not? Curd tart brooch or not? Well, I know that some people might say that some or all of these are over the top, particularly so if you wear them all at once but I say “Come on, go for it! It’s only Yorkshire Day once a year so wear whatever you like!”

Ah yes, the “once a year” thing. It’s a thorny point, I know, but in recent times there’s been a movement to have at least three Yorkshire Days every year but why stop at three? Why not have Yorkshire Day once a month, once a fortnight or once a week?

In fact, let’s just make every day Yorkshire Day. That’ll do nicely!