Jayne Dowle: Let's condemn less and compliment more

I was really proud of that old soldier. Not just for fighting for his Queen and country, but for sticking up for young people. I knew from the address on the letter that these were by no means teenagers from a privileged area, and this made it even more poignant. Teenagers get such a bad press. And as a mother of two children, who one day will be teenagers themselves, I was pleased to see that there is hope.

A poll for Streetchance, an organisation which encourages young people to participate in cricket to encourage self-respect and teamwork, finds that almost half of parents are "concerned" about the general outlook for teenagers. Many believe that their own children are more at risk of becoming involved in illegal or anti-social behaviour than themselves at that age. Drinking alcohol, using drugs and fighting top the anxiety list.

This survey paints an especially grim picture of teenage life. So I did a bit of research and came across another survey, which concludes that teenagers are not all bad. "Respectful", "friendly" and "clever" were the words that 67 per cent of respondents used to describe young people.

These might not be the adjectives that immediately spring to your mind, but think for a minute about the teenagers you know. Are they really all as bad as some people would have us imagine? I can think immediately of several ordinary teenage boys of my acquaintance who go right against the stereotype. My 15-year-old nephew even does all the housework.

And I know from friends with children studying for GCSEs and

A-levels, just how hard they have to work to achieve the grades they need to enter higher education or get a place on a training scheme. The days of "leave school on Friday, get a job on Monday" are well behind us.

All teenagers have their moments of being stroppy and rebellious. Some of them might indeed have their own issues with drink, or drugs, or difficulties in school. It is easy to carp, but is it morally right to castigate them all? If you do, you not only risk alienating them individually, but you potentially write off a whole generation in one fell swoop.

I'm not being soft. I'm the first to shout up if I come across a young person who is rude or irresponsible. And as I get older, I'm finding that I don't really care if they think I am a bossy old bat.

Too many people keep it zipped when they see a young lad drop litter on the ground, or refuse to give up his seat for an elderly person on the bus. If more of us exerted the authority our advancing age bestows upon us, everyone would be clearer about the boundaries we need for a civilised society.

Don't forget that behind the hostile eyes of every mixed-up teenager is still a confused child, who might need guidance, support and most of all praise. If we believe everything we read about how bad teenagers are, it does no one any favours. The older generations end up terrified to leave the house in case they encounter a gang of "hoodies", and the younger generations think that if no-one likes or respects them, they might as well behave as badly as they like, because no-one cares anyway.

I haven't heard David Cameron go on much about "Broken Britain" recently, but it strikes me that the major fracture that affects us all is the one which exists between old and young.

This was another reason why that letter made me smile. All too often we blame young people for problems, when actually, much of the blame for the intolerance which characterises our society could be laid at the door of older people. That is why events like that Royal British Legion gala are important. They bridge the generations, and not only prove that there are lessons which they can learn from each other, but teach all ages that pulling behind a common cause can help to bring us together.

If the Government really wants to make a go of this Big Society idea, I suggest Ministers take note.

I hope I'm not being too idealistic. And of course, you can make

surveys say what you want them to say. No doubt, the truth about today's teenagers lies somewhere in the middle. But give a dog a bad name and he or she will behave accordingly.

Like that gentleman from the Royal British Legion, everyone would benefit if we condemned a little less and complimented a little more.