Jayne Dowle: The strange case of the vanishing women

I don't really care that Samantha Cameron is managing to find smart yet comfortable clothes now she is pregnant, all the better to simper at hubby in. With her disposable income, you would hope that she could. Let's also remind ourselves that she is not actually standing for election. Neither is Sarah Brown or Miriam Gonzlez Durntez. I do like the way that Gordon Brown's frown softens to a look of sheer admiration when he sits listening to his wife giving an interview, but Miriam Gonzlez Durntez, aka Mrs Clegg, has an irritating habit of popping up every time there is a photo opportunity to enhance her husband's carin', sharin' dad-of-three image. And come on, there are more important issues than her fractured elbow.

Whoever ends up running the country next week, it won't matter one jot what his wife does, says or thinks. Presumably, when it comes to sorting out education, health, the economy and foreign policy, it will matter what the new Cabinet thinks. So far, we have precious little way of ascertaining whether Harriet Harman, Caroline Spelman or er – I'm scratching my head here, trying to think of prominent Liberal Democrat women – Sarah Teather, are up for it.

You can only imagine the thoughts of Yvette Cooper, the Work and

Pensions Secretary, who complained the other week about being relegated to a "second division press conference", as her hapless husband Ed Balls lurches from one gaffe to another. While you wouldn't trust certain female MPs, like the two Tory Theresas, May and Villiers, to run the cake stall at the church fete without falling out over the flapjacks, what has happened to all these bright thrusting young female candidates everybody made such a fuss about?

There is no point moaning about the shortage of women in the House of Commons, and then, when they are brave enough to step forward to fight a seat, shoving them to one side in the rush for the cameras. It hardly sets a good example to other women who might be thinking of having a

go.

Such is the dearth, the most outstanding bit of television footage I've seen so far was an interview with the candidates for Brighton Pavilion. The reason I noticed it? Five of them were women. I was so shocked, I counted them. They include Caroline Lucas, MEP and leader of the Green Party, who along with Helen Mary Jones in Wales, and Nicola Sturgeon in Scotland proves that it is OK to trust female politicians to put one word in front of the other on their own with a journalist.

What are all the others actually doing? Beavering away sending out

emails at Party HQ, and wandering down to the local primary school to glad-hand the under-10s? Talk about "go back to your constituencies and prepare for Government". For all those women activists desperate to change this country, it must feel more like "go back to your

constituencies and prepare to stuff envelopes".

If we were American, this sidelining of women would probably be

declared unconstitutional. Sure, Sarah Palin put her foot in it. But Hillary Clinton proved such an enormous asset to Barack Obama he couldn't do it without her in the end. The television debates and 24/7 news coverage have only exacerbated the situation. If only to hear a different voice, or see a different face, it would be worth it to bring on the girls. David Cameron and George Osborne. Nick Clegg and Vince Cable. Gordon Brown, Alistair Darling, and – who ever thought this was a good idea should be sent to the gulag – Lord Mandelson. These are the key faces of this election campaign, and every single one of them is a bloke. For my daughter, Lizzie and her friends, this will be the first General Election they will have really registered. In the middle of explaining why it is so important to vote because women died for the right, I suddenly realised that she has no idea that a woman ever ran the country. And then they wonder why young people are apathetic.

Honestly, we shouldn't even be having this conversation. Talk about turning the clock back. Everyone laughed at the idea of "Blair's Babes" but give Alistair Campbell his due. With the redoubtable political advisor Fiona Miller as his partner and Cherie Blair snapping at his heels, he would have left women out of the equation at his peril. But this election is spin-doctoring gone mad.

Apparently, when one journalist asked where all the women ministers were, a No 10 insider replied: "This is a presidential-style campaign – get used to it." This proves exactly what I have thought all along. Politicians pretend to address the things that matter to women. But

when it really matters, they ignore us.