Nicholas Rhea: Yorkshire Life

It is not easy to distinguish between a wish and a prayer – after all, wishing wells were originally holy wells – but that child’s comments illustrate how little some of us know about churches. and what happens in them.

An Irish priest suggests pamphlets to advise people about their conduct. He believes there is a need for protocol, and his leaflets would be issued to those who attend weddings, baptisms and funerals.

Today, these are among the few occasions when non-churchgoers attend churches, unless they wander around York Minster or Ripon Cathedral believing they are museums.

He has observed that many people in their mid-twenties or younger have never attended any kind of church event and have no appreciation of how to behave. Chattering while awaiting the start of the service, telling jokes, bringing drinks into church, smoking or even answering mobile telephones, making calls, listening to music or texting both before and during the service are prevalent.

He highlighted further problems that might indicate bad manners, although they could highlight a lack of common sense or even be examples of sheer rudeness. One example was a bridesmaid who was making risque comments to the bride while she was actually exchanging wedding vows in front of the priest and congregation.

In our society with its almost unbridled freedom, any priest who rebukes a person for unbecoming conduct might unleash a verbal attack upon himself for being miserable and unworldly. It might prompt even worse behaviour.

It is possible, of course, that people attending weddings or baptisms might consider the church service to be an extension of the overall celebration.

That Irish priest gives examples of how mourners attending funerals behave as if the church service was a cheerful prelude to the funeral tea. Some mourners overlook the fact that a deceased friend or relative is lying before them in a coffin. There may be good reason to celebrate the life of the dear departed but solemnity and dignity are often absent.

If priests wish to encourage suitable conduct not only during funerals, baptisms and weddings but at all times, then I fear they might find it increasingly difficult.

If their suggestions appear too rigid and formal, they could be accused of being miserable and out-of-touch with real life, while if they are too flippant and casual, they could be regarded as being too similar to those whom they criticise. They might even forfeit respect.

Perhaps one solution is to incorporate some guidance in each printed Form of Service handed out during funerals, weddings and baptisms. But it would have to use modern language.

Unless of course, a hidden loudspeaker announced in a loud voice, “I am the Lord Thy God – thou shalt have no mobiles before me, no rude jokes, smokes or alcohol. So sit down, shut up and show respect.”