Ten years since my father’s death I still reflect on the lessons he taught me - Daxa Patel

I did some online research and decided I needed to do my own thing unique to me, and my wonderful dad.

After I lost my dad, I went knee deep into the valley of grief, and I surrendered by giving it permission to engulf my world which it did.

To begin with it consumed me totally, and made me so fragile, but now I have come out at the other end, strong, and proud of us both, me, and my dad.

I wrote a book, and it is exactly three years to the day on December 7, 2023, when this book was published, I even remember seeing it on Amazon and thinking I wish my dad could see the Amazon page.

For any sons and daughters missing their dad, my book might give them some solace though I know grief is as unique as our DNA and is personal to the love we shared with the person we miss.

My book is called My dad and me: A journey of love, loss, and life. I am not promoting the book to sell it. I am merely mentioning it as it is.

I am told by those who have read it, that it is a handy comforting book to hold when we are breaking during loss.

As for marking the 10th anniversary I am a writer as well as a Leadership Coach so I thought the best tribute I can give my dad is to post on social media, daily for the month of December one lesson learned from my dad.

I am on a personal pilgrimage this month as each day I dig into my memory box, and heart to pull out a lesson learned which I can share with others.

It seems I am paying homage to this great man I am proud to call my dad, and I kind of think he would approve of this idea. These daily posts are on my website and on my social media platforms for ease of access.

It is hard for people who have not experienced loss of someone they deeply love to know what this feels like, and I used to be amongst them.

Ten years into my journey I have concluded that every day I will remember my dad, and every Christmas I will have his empty chair at the table.

However, life is a gift, and we must continue to live with their love in our heart and be grateful for their presence.

In my daily lessons learned post, I have touched on subjects such as my dad’s passion for learning, knowledge and taking calculated risks.

We can learn so much from their lives and try our best to leave our mark in the sand by following in their footsteps.

Most of us were privileged to witness the legacy created by our late Queen, she was not able to share what she did behind the scenes, but we know her impact was deep, and long lasting.

In today’s world of instant gratification and likes on social media platforms there is a danger that we forget how our actions and behaviours impact others.

Compassion and love are not transactional and while we feel we are connected through online interactions reality is the opposite.

As I continue to reflect on my father’s life and the lessons I learned from him I recognise, we are all put on earth for a bigger cause, and we have the power to make a difference through our actions and words.

Now I want to focus on unpaid carers who often are not seen, recognised or even heard.

The government fails to appreciate them and this is reflected in the measly amount that is paid as carers allowance.

However, but for the army of unpaid carers, the government would be paying a bigger care bill for hired help.

I used to be my dad’s primary carer. The world does not see an unpaid family member as a carer.

Today a fabulous local charity where I was once a Trustee for six years, is doing the Leeds Carers Roadshow.

Their aim is to promote and support services for unpaid carers. This event is being held at Leeds Kirkgate market from 10am to 4pm.

I highly recommend attending this event as I know how committed this charity, Carers Leeds, is when it comes to empowering unpaid carers in our great city.

The event will give unpaid carers information, support, and advice. In addition, there will be other relevant agencies there who will also be able to share what they can do to support unpaid carers.

I will end on this note, if I could speak to my dad now, I would just say thank you father for everything, and for being my great teacher. Thank you for giving me a glimpse of God through you.

Daxa Manhar Patel is a leadership coach, author and solicitor.