Vincent Nichols: Families teach a vital lesson in love and respect for others

More specifically, I want to emphasise the need to treasure the irreplaceable role of families in handing on the principles, values and ways of life that form and nurture good citizens one generation after another.

In the immediacy of present hardship, families are often best placed to respond to those who are bearing the stress of deprivation, as a source of either practical or emotional help. Also families can be channels used to bring extra help to the growing number of children in our society who do not receive proper levels of nourishment or who lack adequate clothing. It is distressing to know that charities are now using schools to distribute clothing to families in crisis, as well as providing food first thing in the school day.

But in the long term there are crucial values that families, with the right support, can help to establish and nurture. For example, the family is rooted in, and fosters, that faithfulness and commitment upon which our civil society depends.

Within families there exists and is passed on a culture of relating well, one to another. This does not mean relating easily. It means working hard at sustaining relationships in good times and bad. It means giving time to relationships for their own sake. It means learning and practicing love.

This love, which often alone holds a family together, is strong and expansive enough to embrace uniqueness, individuality. Such love fully respects each member, letting flourish his or her dignity as a person: a person whose value is not reduced to spending power; a person who is not reduced to an anonymous digit by an overly- bureaucratic state; a person who is not reduced to a unit of economic production or a potential vote on a ballot paper.

Love recognises and cherishes the inner life of each person, their capacity for fun and laughter, their tears when distressed and in pain, their joy in beauty and, most of all, their loveliness and generosity in giving and receiving love itself. In this way the family teaches that we are spiritual beings, and that we instinctively reach out for the spiritual, for the face of God, and for fulfilment in relationship with the living and true God. When this spiritual depth of every person is forgotten then we have indeed lost our future.

Families at their best are not sealed units, only looking inwards; rather the love and values they hold are open to others.

I can certainly testify to the rich contribution families make to the life and living mission of the Church. Within this vision of the family, a special word must be said about the role of fathers.

You know, one of the most satisfying titles for any priest is “Father”, because our role is to help raise the next generation, to nurture within youngsters a deep sense of vocation, of commitment and faithful service to others, rooted in a growing relationship with God.

I like to think whatever fatherly qualities my ministry possess are qualities inherited from my own father. He was a principled man, yet combined high expectations with a wonderful depth of compassion. He was a teacher and a perfectionist, in everything he wanted to achieve, whether it was making a book-case or helping me with my homework. He used to drive me crazy because I wanted to get it finished quickly and out to play. I wanted to make do and move on. He wanted it done properly, from first principles. I am sure that those two incentives are still at work in me today!

Now in wishing to emphasise the importance of fathers, I acknowledge immediately that just as all families do not actually fit the description of family life I have given, so neither are all fathers – or priests – exactly brilliant. But this raises the question: why not? Just as we need to examine what support families need in order to be all they have the power to be, so we must ask: what support do those who have fathered children require so that they can truly be fathers?

Please do not misunderstand me. I also want to make it absolutely clear that I have no desire whatsoever to belittle mothers bringing up children on their own, nor the children themselves. We all know fantastic mothers who, without the presence of the father, are bringing up their children to be great citizens of the future. And in some cases we may have to admit this wouldn’t be the case were the father still on the scene!

Yet this should not stop us celebrating fatherhood and highlighting the positive contribution fathers make to families and to society. Committed, faithful fathers are good for their children – for their educational achievement, psychological well-being and their social behaviour.

To a significant degree, a father influences his children through the quality of his relationship with the mother of his children. When he enjoys a healthy relationship with her, he’s probably going to spend greater time with his children. A mother who is genuinely loved and valued by her children’s father shares this affirmation with her children.

The powerful and positive influence fathers can have on the formation of tomorrow’s good citizens is a precious gift which we must take every opportunity to support.

Promoting the Living Wage, for example, already provides such support by enabling fathers to meet their families’ needs with pride and dignity.

This underpins the Living Wage now endorsed by politicians of all sides and accepted by hundreds of businesses. And yet more than five million workers bring home an income insufficient 
to cover basic outgoings, the 
significant majority of child poverty exists in working households, and low paid workers now make up the largest group relying on food banks for their meals.

So there is much to be done. We cannot remain satisfied with simply discussing ways in which family, marriage, fatherhood can be better supported when planning ahead for a generation. Rather, together let’s seek the means to make sure this planning becomes reality.

* Vincent Nichols is the Archbishop of Westminster and head of the Catholic Church in the UK. He will deliver a message from the Pope at Leeds Cathedral tomorrow to celebrate the 150th anniversary of the Headingley-based Catholic Care charity.