We are all missing our hugs, just like Lynne from Skipton: Christa Ackroyd

There are some cynics who doubt she even exists, and there are others who have criticised her contribution to the debate and the impossible questions being asked about our future, which are understandably centred on science, numbers and logistics.

This week’s column is dedicated to Lynne from Skipton. We know very little about her. We don’t even know if that is how she spells her name. All we know is that Lynne is a grandma from Yorkshire and that her question was chosen out of 15,000 as the first from the public to be put to Government Ministers at the daily coronavirus briefing.

In case you don’t know, her question went something like this: “I am missing my grandchildren so much. Please can you let me know, is being able to hug our closest family one of the first steps out of lockdown?”

Well Lynne, whoever you are and whatever anyone else might say, for me and for so many others, your question goes to the very heart of the matter in hand. Because our hearts are breaking. We yearn for the healing power of a hug to tell us everything is going to be all right. Yes, we can cope with lockdown and we understand it is vital for the safety of everyone, but the one thing we all need right now is a big massive squeeze. Particularly from the little ones.

At the end of each day we would be told to go upstairs and get ready for bed with the promise of a kiss. But hugs were reserved for each other only in good times and in bad, when emotion overcame us. A cuddle was the greatest cure for a grazed knee or the saddest of news. Otherwise they had to be earned.

If that sounds harsh, it’s not meant to be. I think we were just a typical Northern family that didn’t really show our feelings. Maybe yours was the same. But that didn’t mean the feelings weren’t there. Of course we loved each other and of course we cared. But public displays of affection, as they have come to be known, were not part of our family make-up.

I don’t even remember my mum and dad holding hands in public. Though they held ours tightly as we grew up, probably because by the age of four I had developed something of a reputation as an escape artist. I even walked home alone at break time on my first day at nursery, arriving at our door to announce that school wasn’t really for me. I can assure you I wasn’t given a hug that day. I was marched straight back to my classroom and told I had better get used to it because I was going to be there for a very long time.

We had hugs when we had done well, and on birthdays and other special occasions. There were hugs when people we loved passed away and hugs when we felt poorly. Mum was a bigger hugger than my dad. Though the hugs on his knee when he read us a story are still among my most cherished memories.

The biggest hugs, though, were reserved for their grandchildren. It’s as if they grew into the habit of hugging when the need for discipline was taken out of the equation – and that is what I am missing most right now.

There is actually an interesting scientific explanation as to why hugs can physically and mentally help us. It explains why they are the one thing so many of us are craving. And to the cynics who believe Lynne’s question was purely an emotional one of little value in these scientific times, it proves them wrong. A hug is every bit a part of the science of wellbeing as the drugs others are racing to discover.

When we hug we release the chemical oxytocin, which is also known as the cuddle hormone. A 20-second hug has been proven to lower the blood pressure and fight the stress hormones that are possibly overwhelming us at present. A study by scientists showed that a raised level of oxytocin promotes optimism and self-esteem. Hugs benefit the heart, physically and emotionally, so no wonder we are missing them.

So Lynne from Skipton was actually spot on. Others have recognised it too. Facebook this week introduced a new emoji – a hug with the word ‘care’ under it.

The sales of hug and gratitude cards are soaring and the Captain of our hearts (now Colonel) Tom Moore, received 150,000 cards to celebrate his 100th birthday. And no, they were not a waste of money. They were a way of displaying an act of love for someone who has taught us a lesson in compassion during these trying times.

On Monday, it is my birthday. We were going out for a meal, but on reflection I think we might just stay in. (As if we have any choice).

Apart from the cards coming through the door and the messages from friends, the best present would be the impossible, a hug from our grandchildren, who must be as confused as anyone as to why they are not running in and out of our house causing chaos and laughter.

I have already told mine I am saving all my hugs up in a jar for a special day. But I suspect that may be sometime in the future. Never mind, as my granny would say, they will keep.

I will finish this week by saying if you are Lynne, or you know her, please show her this column. Tell her I understand exactly why she asked her question, and tell her I’d like to give her a hug, too.

Stay safe everyone and see you soon.

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