Party Dress Day: York woman organises latest event for the Good Grief Trust

It will be the fourth Party Dress Day, an event first organised during lockdown in early 2021 by York woman Alex Lloyd to raise funds for the Trust, which supports people who are bereaved.

Participants are encouraged to dress in clothes that make them feel good and post about it online for the event which has raised thousands of pounds during the previous three celebrations in February and April 2021, and January last year (it now take place annually on the last Friday of this month). Alex is hoping for a cumulative total of £8,000 with this year’s contributions.

Initially, the idea came from seeing a friend posting pictures of her toddler in dresses, saying that she otherwise wouldn’t get the chance to wear them to parties as intended.

Alex decided to take their cue and put on her own dress meant for Christmas, which for many people in 2020 was effectively cancelled. She shared pictures online and received comments from people who said how much they missed getting dressed up.

It got her thinking - and the first Party Dress Day took place just a week later. She chose to raise money for the Trust, having written about their work previously in her job as a journalist.

The event was not only about all the occasions missed during the pandemic, but the families who had lost close to them.

Alex, 41, says: “A friend of mine lost her dad to COVID just after Christmas 2020, very unexpectedly. She’s from York originally, although she lives in London, and she came round to see us and she had to just stand on the doorstep. She was crying and we couldn't even give her a hug or anything. I think we probably would have broken the rules to give her a hug but she insisted that she didn't want to risk anyone getting ill, and that just really stuck with me.

Alex has experienced her own grief recently when her nan, Dorcas Thomas, died in November aged 99.

“I will be thinking of my nanny Dorcas on the day, I think,” she says.

It is difficult to estimate how many people have taken part in the previous three events, but she thinks there have been a few hundred each time. At the beginning, it was Alex and her friends participating, but gradually people unknown to her then started to join in - possibly thanks to exposure on the likes of Desert Island Disco, Lauren Laverne's BBC Radio 6 show.

“I think we all discovered it a bit in lockdown, where we were just at home so we weren't wearing anything other than boring, comfy clothes,” says Alex. “Everyone did sort of feel a bit like there was nothing to look forward to. And there is science that shows - they call it dopamine dressing - where putting on certain outfits make you feel better because you feel attractive, or you associate certain clothing with having fun or coming together for, say, a wedding or a party. So there is a psychology to it.

“I always think, as well, don't save things for best. We always wait for that special day, but it might not come and that's what we've learned through COVID, is that life can be short, and so why not put that bright yellow dress on that you absolutely love, just on a random Friday? Because you'll feel special, you’ll feel happier. People will compliment you, you'll cheer people up.

“Fashion can feel frivolous, but actually it can have really important psychological benefits.”

There have been some inventive ideas too. “A friend of mine, she had a Vivienne Westwood dress that she bought for her 30th birthday years earlier and she put it on and did this amazing picture of her putting out the wheelie bins, which I thought was great. Another friend of mine is a swimming teacher, she and her colleagues wore their dresses over their wetsuits while they were teaching. People playing tennis, people going coldwater swimming in Brighton and then having a picture on the beach.”

Alex, who lives with husband Tom and sons Ralph, six, and Max, three, adds: “On the second Party Dress Day I wore my wedding dress in the evening because I'd said to people if we raised another £1,000 that I would put it on for the first time in 10 years and we did, so I had to put it on and have a picture.”

The Good Grief Trust, which is run by people who have been bereaved, encourages people to talk about the subject more honestly.

Alex, who has become an ambassador for the charity, says: “We're very stiff upper lip here, aren't we? And there's a lot of people who are afraid of it, for a start. I know people that have had a bereavement and then other people don't even acknowledge it, or will stop talking to them - don't ask them how they are because people are almost afraid of doing the wrong thing, so they don't do anything. And I think the message that Linda (Magistris, founder) tries to get across is just say their name. They had a campaign to ‘say their name’, acknowledge that person that had died, because that'll mean a lot to somebody.”

She adds: “Grief’s personal to everybody and we need to just let people deal with it as they see fit and support them, not judge them or ignore them because it's too difficult.”

To donate, visit www.justgiving.com/fundraising/partydressday