Takeaways pass test as we change flavour of modern manners

BACK in the 12th century, King David I of Scotland offered a tax rebate to anyone who could learn to eat their food more elegantly. David had grown up at the French court where, according to once chronicler, “the rust of his native barbarism had been polished away”.

Three centuries later an English courtier coined various rules of manners, including stifling all urges to scratch your back in company. Dutch scholar Erasmus had set standards for social intercourse, one of which demanded the use of a judicious cough to mask flatulence.

These and other gems can be found in Sorry! The English And Their Manners by Henry Hitchings, What comes across loud and clear is that every century and every generation has generated its own rules of behaviour invented as a yardstick of social standing – and used by some to ease their way to social mobility. As the world changes we need new rules – hence ‘netiquette’.

By this stage in human history some might think that we no longer have need of etiquette as a passport to polite society.

Surely the old class system has crumbled enough for those who used to peep over walls into the mansions of the great and good not to feel any more that they must emulate the sometimes strange manners of their ‘betters’ in order to get on.

Well, oddly enough, guides to etiquette are in rude good 
health, and Debrett’s – the authority on social etiquette since 1769 – say that increasing numbers of us are looking to them to lead us away from the unwitting social faux pas.

But rather than perpetuating manners as practiced in days of old, Debrett’s say they move with the times and take into account the hectic lives we lead today. In a radical move they’ve even given their monogrammed seal of approval to offering takeaway food to guests – if they arrive unexpectedly and the cupboard is bare.

Of course there are rules: never serve the food in the foil containers in which it arrives; always transfer the food to well warmed china dishes and plates and never, ever, attempt to pass off food from the Indian or Chinese as your own. Oh, and the host should always pay.

And, just in case we feel we need such permission, Debrett’s say it is now acceptable to eat some foods, including chicken and pizza, with the fingers when in informal settings such as a barbecue. That’s a relief, then.

According to Jo Bryant, etiquette advisor to Debrett’s and co-author of the book, we live in more relaxed times now and don’t have such rigid codes of behaviour (however the book still says you must only ever dab delicately at the corner of your mouth with a napkin, never swiping across your whole mouth) but working out what’s appropriate in certain situations today can be even more confusing than ever before.

“We are very active on social media now, and it’s amazing how many people out there are passionate about manners,” says Bryant.

“Entertaining well and being a good host is all about doing all 
you can to look after your guests and ensure they’re having a good time. Good planning, thinking about how you want the day 
or evening to go and being attentive to all of your guests from the moment they arrive, 
are the secrets of a fantastic 
event. Food wise, do something simple really well rather than being too ambitious and getting it wrong.” Good tips include service post-dinner coffee away from the table, so that people get to mix more. When it comes to a disorderly drunken guest, a strategy is suggested that involves 
stopping them from driving, then calling a taxi then convincing them that they called it themselves. As a last resort, a knock-out night cap might be needed to see them unconscious on the sofa.

Bryant isn’t a fan of games, quizzes and other activities 
which will cause some guests to cringe (except at Christmas). No-nos include starting to wash up and clear the kitchen in front 
of guests, and neglecting to 
allow for “seconds” of your delicious food. “At one dinner I know of, the host offered the guests seconds and his wife interrupted with; ‘No, no... the leftovers are for our supper tomorrow.’”

The guests at another dinner she heard about were taken 
aback when, at around 10.30pm, their host disappeared and 
came back in his pyjamas, dressing gown and slippers. “I’m off to bed. Put the lights out 
when you leave, please.” It just shows – you can write the book, but will those who really need it bother to read?

Debrett’s Guide to 
Entertaining Etiquette is published on March 14 by 
Simon and Schuster, £20.