The grandparents who need a lesson in caring for themselves

Pip's parents David and Ruth are too freaked-out about the age difference to speak calmly, and David, in particular, alienates his daughter further each time he opens his mouth. But Jill is a model of non-judgmental listening, asking reasonable questions and resisting the urge to dispense unsolicited advice.

In a survey carried out by the charity Grandparents Plus, which provides advice and support to grandparents, a quarter of teenagers said they found they could talk more easily to grandparents at times when they were having difficulty in communicating with their parents. A grandparent can often provide the rational view on a situation precisely because they are not a permanent member of the child's household, and not immediately involved in the scenario.

This is just one example of the many valuable ways in which our grandparent population contribute to families today. There are more than 14 million grandparents in the UK, providing emotional, practical and even financial support to loved ones. One in three families depend on them for childcare, and more than 300,000 children are actually being raised by grandparents.

Grandparents are around for longer than ever, such is our increasing longevity as a population, and 50 per cent of grandparents have a living parent of their own. They may well be the bedrock of your family, providing all sorts of valuable caring and continuity – but the fact is that even the most doting, energetic and committed grandparent can need support in that role from time to time, and wise though they are in many ways, they can't possibly know the answer to every problem that may arise.

That's why Family Life, a guide advising grandparents on how to provide help to their families, has been launched by Grandparents Plus. It's aimed at the millions of grandparents who give emotional, practical and financial support to families across the UK.

The guide, funded by the Department for Children, Schools and Families, offers advice on subjects from coping with a new baby to dealing with teenagers (including how to mentor them without alienating their parents). It is part of the Kids In The Middle campaign – a coalition of charities backed by the nation's agony aunts – which aims to promote better support for children when family conflict arises.

Denise Robertson, agony aunt on ITV's This Morning, said: "This guide is designed to offer support and encouragement to grandparents – many of whom play an absolutely key role in their grandchildren's lives. As the pace and pressure of daily life increases, the contribution grandparents can make has never been more necessary and it's important their role is recognised."

Sam Smethers, chief executive of Grandparents Plus, said: "We've drawn on the experiences and views of a wide range of grandparents and consulted with experts to put together the best advice possible for grandparents. It is time to take their role seriously and give them the help they need. That role has increased during the recession as families depend more on them in different ways."

Ms Smethers says issues that have greatly concerned grandparents include the desire to be paid for childcare, not by their family but by the state. Grandparents Plus supports that wish, and says payments for childcare could be made through tax credits or the childcare voucher scheme. From April 2011, grandparents caring for children under 12 will be able to receive National Insurance contributions to recognise the care they provide to enable parents to work.

"There are around 1.5 million grandparents aged under 50, and they also want help from employers if they need to do other work as well as provide childcare, and want recognition for their parenting role when they take over full-time care in a time of crisis. In many senses, the importance of grandparents can be forgotten."

Children's Secretary Ed Balls said: "I know that grandparents play an invaluable role in supporting family life and it's right that they have access to information and advice designed for them. That's why we have funded this new guide. "

A new website – BeGrand.net – means they can share their experiences with fellow grandparents and access handy advice on issues that might

affect them.

"We're also working to make sure that local services, like children's centres, are open to grandparents. And from April 2011, grandparents caring for children under 12 will be able to receive National Insurance contributions to recognise the care they provide to enable parents to work."

Ms Smethers believes that, alongside their concerns about playing a full and useful part in the lives of their grandchildren, grandparents need encouragement to think more about themselves. "Grandparents are good at saying yes when the family need them, but they can neglect their own needs – and although they have grandchildren they don't cease being a parent. The relationship between them and their own children is

still very important and needs attention, too."

n To download a free copy of Family Life, go to

www.grandparentsplus.org.uk

n www.BeGrant.net