Speaking up for the 'sandwich generation' caring for parents and children at same time: Brian Daniels

I’ve joined a new organisation - the ‘Sandwich Generation’. We are the middle-agers who care both for our older family and for our children while often still juggling work commitments.

According to the 2021 UK Census, there are approximately 1.3 million sandwich carers in the UK.

Those of us who do it, find ourselves parenting our parents. We support their financial needs, for example, by helping them navigate online banking and shopping.

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We support their living needs as we help buy food and gifts, attend medical appointments and deal with daily household crises.

Brian Daniels shares his experiencesBrian Daniels shares his experiences
Brian Daniels shares his experiences

My 95-year-old mum relies only on a house phone as she can’t get to grips with a smartphone so if that house phone is on the blink, she is virtually cut off from the world.

She recently had a fall which caused the challenges of dealing with 111, then her GP Practice then 999 then 111 again and finally seeing a wonderful doctor who came to the house. They were all fantastic but she certainly couldn’t have navigated the emergency services on her own.

Perhaps she should be in care but that’s the last thing she wants because she is independent, still cooks and can get up and down the stairs. If our elderly relatives are in residential or supported care, daily support is less of an issue but comes with its own challenges.

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I wrote a play about older people who, when as a couple, care and support each other to the best of their ability. They don’t want to ‘burden’ their families who often do not live locally. But when their health goes on a downward spiral and outside care support is needed, they realise the complexities of managing joined-up health and social care.

The play ‘Fighting for Life’ was inspired by the Findlay Report and launched at Marie Curie in London. I wrote it because I felt it was important to create a wider understanding of the complexities of accessing good quality health and social care for older people.

The latest performance was at The University of Leeds as part of the ‘They’re Not Clapping Now’ conference earlier this month. There is a crisis in recognising the support we need to give our older generation as the care and compassion they need is immense and often underestimated or brushed under the carpet.

We as the ‘sandwich generation’ are doing what we can in the circumstances we find ourselves. But I think we need to find a better answer than just taking on the whole load ourselves.

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The hope is that if we are fortunate (and it should be considered fortunate to live a long life) then at some point in future, there will be that band of workforce who will care and help us through what may be challenging years with or without the support of our families.

There is an increasing tendency for people to find themselves in the position of a ‘sandwich’ carer.

The caring responsibilities for older relatives and children at the same time while also juggling work commitments bring immense pressure. I wonder if future generations will be happy to sandwich parent in the same way?

I’m not sure what the answer is but with an ever-growing ageing population, it’s one we all need to seek.

Brian Daniels is a playwright whose Fighting For Life play was recently performed at the University of Leeds.

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