'There was no pregnancy glow - I didn’t know neurodivergent motherhood could feel so different'
A mum from Harrogate who says she spent nine months feeling trapped and overwhelmed inside her changing body, terrified for her unborn baby and struggling with “permanent anxiety”, is sharing her experience publicly for the first time as part of a new drive raising greater awareness of neurodivergent motherhood.
After an emergency c-section, Ella Smith-Dunn then struggled to bond with her newborn and remembers looking at her crying baby just two weeks later and asking her husband, “What have I done?”.
The 29-year-old says pregnancy left her battling intense sensory overload, repeatedly questioning whether her baby was safe, and frightened she would be unable to advocate for herself during birth.
After daughter Gianna, now one-year-old, was born, Ella found early motherhood equally overwhelming as she struggled with bonding, breastfeeding and the idea that becoming a mother should produce an immediate rush of love.
Ella says: “There was no ‘pregnancy glow’ for me, I lived in permanent anxiety the whole time. Pregnancy was this intense overwhelm because all these things were happening inside my body and there was no escape from it…
"Then I’d become anxious about the fact I was anxious, because you hear that stress isn’t good for the baby, so everything would go round and round in my head.”
Ella, who works in HR, began recognising her own neurodivergence after a family member was diagnosed as autistic in adulthood, prompting her to research patterns she had experienced throughout her life.
She subsequently completed a Do-IT Profiler which identified traits associated with ADHD.
Although Ella felt looked after within NHS maternity care, she says she felt she needed additional support around how her neurodivergence was affecting pregnancy and turned to Harrogate-based Cocoon Healthcare.
She is sharing her experience as part of a new awareness drive from the provider, highlighting neurodivergent experiences of pregnancy and motherhood and recognising individualised, adaptive maternity care.
Ella says: “I didn’t enjoy pregnancy, but I absolutely love being Gianna’s mum and I want another baby, so I’d do it all again.
"You don’t have to enjoy every part of pregnancy or motherhood, and you don’t have to experience becoming a mum exactly like somebody else to be a brilliant parent.”
Kate Mortimer, Lead Midwife at Cocoon Healthcare, says: “Pregnancy creates enormous physical, hormonal, emotional and sensory change, and for neurodivergent women that can sometimes feel completely overwhelming…
"Sometimes seemingly small adaptations, whether that’s changing how we communicate pain, preparing carefully for different scenarios, or simply giving someone more time to process what is happening, can completely transform how safe and empowered they feel.”