What questions should you ask your partner before having a baby? Expert shares 10 things you need to discuss

• From responsibilities to disagreements, finances to family values, these are the important topics to discuss with your partner before having a baby.
• These conversations are important to have before the baby arrives or before you start to plan for a baby.
• Baby expert, Annalisa Thomas explains the 10 questions new parents need to discuss.

Preparing for a baby can be daunting, from getting the nursery ready, picking out a pram and stocking up on nappies, it seems like there’s a never-ending to-do list. However, one thing you can’t forget to do is make time for the important conversations with your partner.

Having a baby or planning to have a baby will massively change your lives, so it’s important to open up about important topics such as finances, roles and family values, before you’re in the thick of it.

Baby expert Annalisa Thomas, founder of Oilo Studio, said: “Having these conversations early sets the tone for new parents. When couples take the time to discuss responsibilities, values, and expectations before the baby arrives, they’re setting the groundwork for a supportive, collaborative relationship.”

Here are the 10 questions to ask your partner before the baby arrives.

What’s the plan for finances?

Babies are expensive, from setting up the nursery, to the nappy bill and even saving up for when they go to university, discussing your financial strategy early-on is incredibly important.

It’s best to answer questions such as, “Will you set up a joint baby budget” and “How will you handle big-ticket items?” sooner rather than later. Annalisa explains: “Finances are the most key aspect for parents, and the one that can cause the most friction, so get them sorted early.”

What does parenting mean to us?

Before you start tackling who’s on nappy duty, it’s worth looking at the bigger picture. of what parenting means to you and what kind of parents do you want to be, whether that’s hand’s on, or hands-off, Annalisa advises that “Aligning on a parenting philosophy now can help you avoid major clashes later.”

How will we divide parenting responsibilities?

Babies don’t follow a schedule and certainly won’t care about yours. It’s important to negotiate who is doing the late night feeds and who will be tackling bath time. Dividing responsibilities early-on can help save you from arguments down the line.

Annalisa recommends: “Don’t just assume who’ll be doing what, make a plan so that everything is evenly split, otherwise resentment from the partner doing more is bound to build up.”

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What are our non-negotiable values?

Discussing your core values now ensures you’re on the same page before decisions such as discipline, screen time or introducing your child to your cultural traditions are are made.

What kind of support system do we want around us?

They say raising children takes a village, but it’s important to work out what involvement your friends and family will have so no one ends up with hurt feelings later on. Annalisa said: “Agreeing on boundaries now is better than an event ending in tears because a third cousin wasn’t allowed to hold the baby.”

What happens if one of us needs to take an unexpected career break?

Life has a way of throwing curveballs at you, discuss and plan for how you would adapt if one partner needs to work longer hours and the other is left to hold down the fort at home.

How will we handle major disagreements as parents?

No matter how well you are together, disagreements will happen and it’s good to talk about how you will navigate conflict over parenting decisions. Setting ground rules for respectful communication can save you from letting the tension build up.

What’s our plan for “us” time?

When you have a baby your attention will shift, but that doesn’t mean the end of your romance with your partner, set out a plan for how you will keep your romantic connection alive, even amidst all the sleepless nights and endless laundry.

Annalisa advises: “Whether it’s date nights or a Netflix binge after bedtime, make sure you set aside time to prioritise each other. Lean on your support network to look after your baby if you can.”

How will you handle parenting advice?

When you have a baby you will be inundated with advice from everyone, whether you ask for it or not. Discuss beforehand how you will respond to this and how you will support each other when the unsolicited tips become too much.

How will we look after out individual identities?

Becoming parents doesn’t mean losing who you are as individuals, it’s important not to lose sight of what makes you, you and outline how you will make time for both you and your partner’s hobbies and career ambitions.

You can find out more about how to prepare for your new baby at Better Health Start for Life.