Tapasya, Hull: I tried out a 'posh curry house' and was served a pork rib eye which was the size of my face

If you do, I defy you to read the words ‘white as moonlight, soft and mild chicken tikkas flavoured with mace, cardamon and tender coriander stems’ on the menu of Tapasya and not feel the need to say the sentence aloud in an approximation of the rumbling baritone of greatly-missed British eccentric Viv Stanshall as the titular, dipsomaniac knight.

Sadly, the ‘white as moonlight’ line is the only time the menu gets this poetic as the rest sticks strictly to the facts so, despite not really fancying ‘Chandi’ chicken for my starter, I feel the charming description places an onus on me to order it just to see if it truly is as white as our nearest celestial neighbour.

Tapasya, I should perhaps remind you, is a mainstay of Hull marina. A ‘posh curry house’ that started life on the city’s Beverley Road has now been located on the dockside for something like eight years.

The restaurant has a chintzy kind of glamour, all purples and turquoises and mirrors and chrome.

Just – but only just - the right side of garish. And the food is solid. You always know you’re going to get a good feed, even if the mains can sometimes be a little underwhelming. Except – this time, I’m delighted to report, they weren’t.

I think this is my sixth or seventh time at Tapasya. Maybe more. Could be a dozen. But not for a handful of years. However many it is, I always do the same; I load up on starters because they’re the tastiest part of the meal.

Sadly, the lure of the moonlight poetry led me to a nice but not particularly special starter.

A well-cooked and very white chicken breast - served with a few puddles and piles of tasty stuff - is still only a chicken breast, no matter how white it is or tasty the puddles and piles of stuff are.

Even worse, the Tapasya take on the Hull pattie seems to have vanished from the menu. Its name escapes me, but it was a couple of tatty patties and some sauces.

It was always my favourite dish and one of the best starters in the city. We must raise a petition for its return, as me sulking and looking daggers at the chef doesn’t seemed to have made the slightest difference.

Better – much better – than the chicken starter is Barrah lamb chops. Three juicy cuts of best end marinaded in garlic, spices and yogurt until they are soft and yielding and entirely delicious.

More puddles of stuff on the plate, some shavings of red onion and pepper and a bed of mung beans add more deliciousness and complete a dish that deserves to be gnawed until destroyed. As it was.

Anyone unaware of the comedic audio dispatches from Hubert, Florrie, Reg Smeeton and the other residents of Rawlinson End has a proper treat ahead. Seek out these delights, I implore thee.

A main of haryali gosht is a more traditional-looking curry.

Chunks of lamb, browned onion, spinach and garlic combine (with the help of a pilau rice and a couple of chapattis) to lend a touch of Saturday night post-pub dining to an otherwise more refined evening. And most welcome it is. Simple is sometimes best.

Best of all, it has that curry smell. You know the one. It’s a distinct, incredibly seductive smell that, however hard you try, you can never seem to replicate at home.

Then, my main arrived. Pork vindaloo, but not at all as expected. The plate was dominated by a barbecued pork rib eye which was huge. Very nearly the size of my face. Far larger than anticipated and easily the most exciting thing I’ve ever eaten at Tapasya.

I’ve no idea if it’s a recent addition to the menu but it should become something they’re renowned for from here to Delhi and back. After a discussion about the practicalities of wearing a pork chop as a mask (you’d have to poke holes through for the eyes, we decide, but at least the bone would make it easy to hold up), I attacked.

The chop itself was superb, thick and smoky and subtle, but actually better were the accompaniments; a pile of spiced potato and onion slices, a hot red sauce and a quite remarkable apple pickle that was spicy and sour and sweet. I could have eaten a bowlful of it by itself.

The vindaloo chop should have finished me off, but I knew my absolute favourite dessert awaited. If Tapasya ever try to take gajar halwa off the menu, I shall be forced to visit them with malicious intent.

For those unconversant with this supreme dish, it’s basically carrot, sugar, fat and milk. But arranged in a manner that elevates those simple ingredients to god-mode. Here, it comes served with a dollop of rapidly melting ice cream and it remains the single greatest utilisation of a root vegetable yet invented. Get conversant. Another dessert of gulab jamun (sweet, milky dumplings served in sugar syrup) was entirely acceptable but will never be gajar halwa, so there’s no point dwelling on it.

The lack of the pattie starter aside, this was probably the best meal that I’ve enjoyed at Tapasya. (Also, at around £130 for two, the most expensive, but I suppose that’s the post-Brexit world we live in.)

The restaurant staff, the chef and the owners know exactly what they’re doing and they have a consistency and finesse which is well-practised and perfectly honed.

There have been a couple of pretenders to the crown of best posh curry house in Hull over the last few years but they really can’t compete. Tapasya remains first and very much best.

Welcome 4/5

Food 4/5

Drinks choice 4/5

Prices 4/5

Tapasya, 2-3 Humber Dock, Hull, HU1 1TB Tel: 01482 242607 www.tapasyarestaurants.co.uk/