Jayne Dowle: Everybody really does still need good neighbours

And of course, we’ve tried to fit in. Apart from the dog escaping to go begging in next door’s kitchen, and my garden bonfire resulting in the arrival of the
fire brigade, we seem to be doing OK.

Anyway, this survey finds that six million adults in the UK don’t know the people next door and across the road by name. I’d like to say that we would never be so rude in our house.

However, I have to admit that for the past 10 months my other half has been calling the nice old chap over the hedge at the bottom of the garden “Stan”. We only found out last week – from another neighbour as it happens – that his name is actually Doug.

I have no idea how Doug became Stan, but what really matters is that we do wave and say hello if we see him pottering about. And he waves back and tells us about the wasps’ nest which is infecting our mutual privet.

Neighbours is a subject close to my heart. Before my family took up residence here, I’d lived in my previous property for more than 13 years. I knew the names of almost everybody who lived on either side, across the road and within a radius of about a dozen houses all around. When prospective buyers came for a viewing, they were amazed that I was on such intimate terms. To be honest, I reckon it frightened a few off.

Perhaps it’s Barnsley. We’re renowned for being a friendly town. The one glaring omission to my neighbourly roll call was the new people across the road who had relocated from some unspecified place “Down South”.

Some said it was Southampton. Others thought Nottingham. We old-timers didn’t know because they
didn’t bother to talk to us. 
What we all did agree on was the fact that the couple were snobbish for not introducing themselves when they arrived, and disrespectful for not acknowledging their neighbours – even when we had taken in parcels for them.

Interesting fact: this survey reveals that despite the likelihood of not being on first-name terms, almost three-quarters of us would trust a neighbour to look after a delivery for us.

It’s those little kindnesses which make life so much easier. The research, conducted by insurance company, Aviva, says that one in five British people would like to get to know their neighbours better. And where would be the harm in that? During the process of selling our house, I was amazed, in turn, to discover that other people find the prospect of neighbours so daunting.

It’s a sad fact of modern life that we treat our homes like so many fortified castles. People get home from work, lock the car and pull up the drawbridge.

Selfish? Yes. These are the kind of people who will plant a row of towering leylandii trees to “protect” their privacy and block out the light of everyone and everything else living in close proximity. They’re the ones who hold noisy parties in their garden late at night for their “real” friends, then call the police when your children get a bit over-excited splashing about in their paddling pool.

How did we lose the art of living cohesively side by side? I hesitate to don the rose-tinted glasses, but when I was a child growing up in a street of jam-packed terraced houses, we all managed to rub along together. We looked out for each other, and put up with roaming dogs, feral children and all manner of eccentric behaviours. I think we were all so much more tolerant. How I lament the fact that so many communities seem to have lost the knack of acceptance.

No wonder loneliness is such a major modern epidemic; that’s why this newspaper’s estimable campaign to tackle the issue is extremely worthwhile.

Another piece of research, by the charity Age Concern, finds that one in 10 older people in the UK admits to feeling “chronically lonely” at any given time. This leads to serious implications for mental and physical health, which in turn leads to greater reliance on health and social care services – making loneliness a matter none of us can afford to ignore. It’s not just the elderly who feel it either.

It used to be said that charity begins at home. I think we could update this for the 21st century. Being a good neighbour also begins at home. I’ll be remembering this when we next send a cheery wave over the privet to Stan, I mean Doug.